Things I Learned While Watching Crash

When I'm not plotting to take over small Central American countries and re-name them for myself, I do watch quite a few movies. Last night's film was "Crash" which for some reason won the 2005 Oscar for Best Picture. My guess is the Academy--notoriously wanting to avoid real controversy--awarded the top prize to Crash because otherwise Brokeback Mountain would have won and while nominating a film about gay sheep herders is one thing, letting such a film win would have just sparked all sorts of outrage among anti-gay moviegoers (remember, as recently as 2004 every anti-gay marriage ballot question was passed in each state where it came up). Can't say I was a big fan of Crash--if you haven't seen it, it's basically a film about a bunch of Los Angelenos of various races and social classes who are connected through a series of incidents (no, this is not Big Lebowski! Big Lebowski was far more socially relevant) that expose their prejudices and hatreds. But here is where the whole thing makes no sense, or "What I learned from watching Crash":

1) Everyone is completely racist towards other groups, with no exceptions. Even the ones who think they're not racist--yep, they're still racist.

2) Racists are also blatantly obvious about their racist. Chinese woman yelling at you? Well then just make fun of her ridiculous accent! Ha ha, take that, Chinawoman! Go Kung Pow yourself!

3) The racists are mostly right about each other. You fear the two young black men walking in the outdoor mall? You have good reason to--they're armed thuggas and they're going to carjack you. The Iranian guy who owns a convenience store (obviously! It's not as though Iranians can be doctors or anything)? He's going to get all hot in the collar, chase you down and try to shoot you in front of your daughter. The Chinese guy? Of course he has a truckload of Thai refugees in the back of his van! Who produced this thing, David Duke???

4) Even the cop you think isn't racist ends up shooting a black hitchhiker (who of course happens to be a carjacker, though he is off the clock at this point and just needing a ride) simply because the guy reached into his pocket, because when black guys reach into their pockets it's time for a lead party and you're the guest of honor.

5) Tony Danza is still in films.