Friend Having a Kid

We recently discovered that one of my longtime local DC pals--let's call him "Rick Figliaccio" to protect his identity--has knocked up a girl. Of course, it turns out that this girl is his wife of two years, and they're both gainfully employed and in their thirties, so this isn't really the stuff of scandal sheets! We're still proud of our pal anyway, and will be celebrating this weekend by getting him drunk and arrested.

Of course, as he broke the news to me, we got to discussing what he'd name the kid--since I know Rick is Sicilian, I didn't want him bogarting all the cool Italian names! I'm not even married yet, so he could end up taking all the cool names before I even got to take one! So we worked out a deal:

1) Rick could take Carmine, Nunzio, and Dominic.

2) I get Salvatore, Donatello, and Luigi.

Of course, if either of us have girls, we agreed that no one takes "Meadow Soprano" since that's just derivative.

I'd often wondered why Rick still drives an '88 Ford Festiva (if you haven't seen one, picture a lawnmower but smaller). Then it occurred to me--if he still has that car in 16 years, and gives it to his teenager, there's basically no chance whatsoever that the kid could get preggers (or make someone else preggers) in that thing. Unless he has a midget son or daughter.

So here's hoping--for the sake of Rick's nervous system--that he doesn't have a midget for a kid!