Assholery Is So Too a Word

With the fall season coming on, we're seeing nights and weekends filling up quickly as this is the most festive part of the year. Between Oktoberfest, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Belgian Appreciation Day, Greek Hatred Day, the Jumprope Festival, Tickle a Wiccan Eve, Tickle a Wiccan Day, and Contest the Restraining Order Filed By the Wiccan Fest, it looks like there will be few slow and dreamy fall days ahead. Below are some party suggestions from the gang:

1) Oktoberfest Theme Party. Pluses--if we celebrate the Germans it might keep them from marching in and stomping all over us as they often do. Minuses--last time we celebrated Oktoberfest we ended up taking over Poland. Sorry Poland!

2) Halloween Party. Pluses--gives me a chance to wear a white sheet without giving people the wrong idea. I just like the smell of fresh linen, people! Minuses--party hosts making you eat everything in the dark and telling you it's really brains even though you're pretty sure brains don't taste like Cheetos.

3) Talent Show Party. Pluses--gives me a chance to emcee! Minuses--none of us have anything approaching actual talent.

4) Fall Harvest Party. Pluses--this might inspire the gods of the harvest to give us plentiful bounty next year in exchange for our gratitude. Save us, harvest gods! Minuses--how many harvest worshipping societies are thriving these days?

5) Celebrate the Day the Redskins are Eliminated From the Playoffs. Pluses--we know this will be pretty early in the fall, so we can even hold this one outdoors. Minuses--Dan Snyder still owns the team and lends his assholery to it on a regular basis.