Friday Thoughts

1) I've noticed when I'm on the elevator with one other person, and then they get off on their floor, and I have the elevator to myself, I automatically move out to the middle of the car as though staking out territory. Even in modern elevators the instincts of animal days take over. Fortunately I don't also try and mark my territory, since our building only has so many elevator cars and I'll have to ride in them again. 2) What is it about buses? We always try and avoid them at all costs on the highway, and god forbid you get stuck behind one in traffic. Of course, this could be because all buses are driven by the insane. 3) You know what word people rarely use anymore? Nonplussed. Probably because no one knows what it means. I'm very plussed about that issue. 4) Has anybody wondered what happened to Bob Dole these days? Or is it just me wondering that? I'm sure he's up to something, that rascal! 5) I'd probably be really good at writing an advice column. Not because I'm good at writing advice, but because I'd answer all questions with directions for how to make delicious sandwiches. Then, the readers might think they wrote in to the wrong column, but at least would be like "I really should try that sandwich" and then they'd have that. 6) I wonder if in China on a cold night they decide to "order in some Chinese" but instead have to just say "let's order in some of our nation's cuisine". Or do they order in some American, and complain about how you're not hungry again for several hours? 7) With the looming government shutdown, it's sad to see all my liberal friends blaming just the Republicans and my conservative friends blaming just the Democrats, as though we shouldn't be holding our own sides to a level of adulthood. It'd be nice to see every voter vow to vote independent next time around but that's just not gonig to happen.

Congress Is Yet Again a Bunch of Creeps

In the face of a possible government shutdown this Friday, it looks like all "nonessential" government functions would be shut down until Congress agrees to pass a budget or continuing resolution allocating funds. This makes sense--after all, the essential jobs should stay running during the interim, where minor things could halt for a while without major impact, like national parks, museums, paying our soldiers . . . Wait, WTF??? So our soldiers, the guys and ladies who are out there hauling muck and carrying weapons to serve what the geniuses Obama and Bush have decided are critical national security goals, because of course otherwise Afghanistan and Libya will team up and send their own Marines to take over the East Coast, you're telling me our FREAKING SOLDIERS might have their pay interrupted because 536 people can't act like adults and pass a stupid budget so things can run while they debate the bigger issues over the coming months??? But hey, it's not all bad! The very members of Congress who are currently screeching like spoiled children and shutting down our government will still be getting paid. After all, this is important since they have to make ends meet (only earning a paltry $174K a year--I'm sure soldiers make TONS more than that), and of course Congressmen are "essential" government workers. Just to remind you how "essential" government workers are, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head three months ago, hospitalized and unable to get to work, vote on legislation, or attend to constituent matters since that time. Notice that not only has no one called for her to resign on the grounds that she cannot perform her job, but she's even being touted for the Senate. Something tells me that a job can't be that "essential" if you can be effectively absent from it for a calendar quarter without anything grinding to a halt. (Not a knock on Giffords, of course, but just an illustration of how much of a joke the job of a politician really is) Well, I for one hope that if this does go down, every soldier and their families remember it well when they vote in November 2012.

Snakes on a Train, for Real This Time!

Let's begin with the fact that this woman thought it was a good idea to bring her pet snake on the subway. Then add a dash of "whoops" and you can imagine what happens next. The Boston transit folks manage to track down the animal (a 3-footer) and return it, but it requires cleanup costs and of course they want to have the owner pay for it--in part, because bringing a motherf--king snake on a motherf--king train is against their motherf--king policy. This hipster (only a hipster would own a snake in a city, it's the rule), who is on "disability" claims she won't pay for the cleanup costs because the transit authorities didn't show her "respect". Let's get a few things out of the way--how come every news article I read about someone on "disability" features a total faker? This gives people on real disability a bad name! I say the disabled rise up (er, pardon the pun) and smash these fakers with their crutches. Second, respect? Lady, you have blue hair and you brought a snake on a train. Your respect quota ran out the minute you thought either of those were good ideas. Third, when I get on a subway I am used to a number of indignities. Loud teenagers, thugs, cell phone talkers, obese seat-fillers--but one thing that would freak my head out would be encountering a large reptile there. And did this goon ever consider that her beloved pet might gin up its natural instincts and strangle a passenger? Someone call the animal shelter...

The Duce

As a World War Two buff, I had to watch a documentary last night on Italian Fascism and was struck by how completely pointless was Italy's entry into the war. While most combatants had some logical (if unjustified) reason for going to war--Germany wanting land back that they lost after the first war, Japan having their oil cut off amidst their invasion of China, every other country being in it because they were attacked by one of the first two--it seemed Italy had nothing even approaching a plausible reason to go to war. Mussolini's best argument was that Hitler was going to beat the corrupt democracies, and Italy needed her share of the spoils--even if Italy wasn't strong enough to do much in the war, you couldn't get a seat at the peace table without some war dead. But even if you accept this callous attitude towards your own troops, it's defied by the very reason the Fascists took power in the first place. Italy had entered the First World War (for also very poor reasons--to try and get a bit of land from Austria in the Tyrol region) and performed terribly, losing half a million men and needing to be bailed out by the British and French. As a result, they got a bit of Tyrol, but not nearly as much spoils as they thought they'd deserved after all that sacrifice. This anger and desire for national honor helped fuel the rise of Fascism after that war was over. So, what on earth made Mussolini think he'd somehow get a better deal after the second war--even if Hitler won? Plus, what was Italy hoping to gain--a bit of the Balkans, more of Africa? Was that worth the risk of going to war when you're not ready? And the choices of battlefields made no sense either. Immediately after declaring war in 1940, Mussolini attacks southern France, and despite the French surrendering in record time to the Germans, they still put up enough resistance to the Italians that little was gained. Despite this ominous sign, Italy then sends an ill-equipped army from Libya into Egypt to attack the British. Strike two, they get pummelled! In the middle of this, just for the hell of it, they then attack Greece for no reason. (Seriously, there is no reason for this--no age old quarrel with Greece, no threat from them, not even any natural resources to gain). Even this--Greece, for crying out loud--goes disastrously, and in each case the Germans need to bail out the Italians. And, just in case it wasn't clear enough that his army wasn't ready for prime time, Mussolini sends hundreds of thousands of his troops to Russia to support the Nazi effort there. Because if you can't beat the French, British or even Greeks, surely the Soviets--same guys who were the first to pummel the Wehrmacht--should be an easy mark. And this went as well as you could expect. The tragic aspect of this--aside from the hundreds of thousands of Italian soldiers and civilians killed needlessly in the war, not to mention the thousands of Africans killed in the Fascists' colonial efforts--also highlighted the plight of Italian Jews. Unlike the case in Germany, Jews in Italy were more often than not enthusiastic supporters of the Fascists. (Something like one in three Italian Jews was a member of the party) The reason for this was the association of Italian nationalism with the closing of the ghettos and citizenship rights for Jews, as well as the fact that unlike German Nazism, the ideals of Italian Fascism were non-race based and even Mussolini originally rejected Nazi notions of racial superiority. The documentary focused on an Italian Jewish banker from Turin who'd been an early and ardent supporter of the Fascist Party, and stuck by Mussolini up until the partnership with Hitler led Il Duce to pass anti-Semitic laws expelling him (among others) from the party--and when the Germans eventually invaded the northern half of the country, twenty thousand Italian Jews (including this banker) were rounded up and executed by the Nazis. It was pointed out that Mussolini did nothing to stop this--though ultimately one shouldn't expect honor from a notorious thug like that. One does wonder, though, that if Italy had smartly stayed out of the war and kept its distance from Hitler how things might have changed the war itself. Italy, for one, likely would have remained Fascist for a while longer (as Spain did) and would not have lost its colonies for at least a couple decades. Perhaps Gadaffi wouldn't have emerged as he did in the late-'60s, though who knows what might have been the case there. Hitler's troops probably never would have been involved in North Africa or even the Balkans, meaning his timetable for invading Russia might have been several weeks earlier than the June 1941 date, meaning the Germans might have taken Moscow before the autumn rains set in, knocking out Stalin and facing the West with greater strength. But you never know--history's full of just the sort of improbable circumstances that keep you guessing.

Infernal Inferno

Viewing the film "The Towering Inferno" is sort of like being set on fire but without all the laughter. This 1974 epic was typical of the '70s "disaster movie" genre, where a cast of dozens of well-known celebrities are thrust into a story with overwrought plot-lines, and they all have to overcome some sort of major disaster. In the "Poseidon Adventure" Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine have to escape an ocean liner that has capsized. In "Earthquake", Charlton Heston and Victoria Principal have to survive (you guessed it) an earthquake. The "Airport" series involved famous casts on a plane in danger, and finally "The Swarm" involved a killer bee attack. I'm still waiting for a film about an earthquake that capsizes a boat that gets hit by an airplane that caught on fire after being attacked by bees. Fingers crossed! "Inferno" featured a tower built in San Francisco that was supposedly the world's tallest, and a big party in the top floor lounge for all the notables of San Francisco. William Holden is the rich industrialist who built it, Richard Chamberlain is his unscrupulous son-in-law who installed cheap wiring to save a buck, Paul Newman is the architect, Steve McQueen is the fire chief, and several other celebrities make cameos in this. Little do they know, cheap wiring causes fires, and a massive conflagration breaks out on the lower floors! Eek! Hilariously, when the rich industrialist hosting the top-floor party is told of the fire below, he remarks that this really isn't a big deal because it's so many stories below them. See, he's not aware that fire tends to rise. Surely the fire will burn itself out by the time the party is over! And that's not all--everyone, including the rescue workers, continuously take the elevator throughout the fire! Fire safety during the Nixon years just wasn't what it is now. Did I mention O.J. Simpson plays a heroic security guard who dies saving children from the fire? His lawyers could have shown that clip during his murder trial, there would have been not a dry eye in the jury chamber after that! Of course if you watch the scene carefully you see him slash and slash his way through the fire. Fortunately his ill-fitting gloves helped him save a child before his demise. Of course, at the very end of the film--after losing plenty of people and helicopters to the fire and to hilariously ill-conceived rescue attempts--the heroes decide to put the fire out by opening the big water tanks that are on the roof of the building. Er, wait, you mean they had big water tanks up there the whole time and they only wait until the fire has reached the top floor to use them? Did any of these people go to genius school? Because they could have learned a few lessons! Finally, a comment. As in all movies of this type, it's the corporate cost-cutters that are to blame for the disaster. Always putting profits over other people's lives--even if something as simple as using wiring that's up to code would not just prevent a major fire but something as likely as failing an inspection and getting a massive fine. Why do movie producers think that corporations are so cartoonishly evil that they defy the common sense that is better for the corporation in the long run? The reason is simple--the movies are made by people who deal with corporations that produce Hollywood films--the same people who won't bother with original scripts when there's a buck to be made on Transformers 3.

Lazy Weekend

The past weekend has been one of creativity and errands, which was just about right considering (a) it was cold out and (b) a lot of stuff needed gettin' done! Friday started at our favorite fancy seafood restaurant, where we sampled all the fine treats de mer (that's French for "we surrender, take what you want") and filled up before dessert could be happening. Back at home, the special lady went through what we had left in our fridge and invented an impromptu "Summer Cocktail" (despite the brisk weather) which consisted of vodak, white cranberry juice, and grenadine. It was glorious! (The next night, we'd improve on this slightly by adding frozen berries, which have both an ice cube and flavoring effect). Fortunately, this caused no hangover because the next morning we had to be at the bank to open our joint checking account in which to deposit the wedding checks, and begin our saving for a house. I'm also sort of counting on DC area homes dropping in value by about 75% to where they might become affordable. Fingers crossed! Shan's attempt to cut back on caffeine had consequences, though, and she needed a serious nap during whcih I finished Band of Brothers and then got the apartment in order. We had a dinner of antipasta, and then started watching "The Towering Inferno" (look to my film review on a later date) which let's just say required several "Summer Coolers" and some bourbon to get through. We were joined mid-way by our Viking friend who was just back from Seattle, so she kept us entertained where the film fell short. In middle of this, we saw the Cherry Blossom fireworks from our balcony. Sunday, of course, was blunch day--the first of our "hosted blunch series" that we hope becomes a trend (since waiting on line at blunch places when you're hungry and hung over? Not fun!) and our friend Jenny hosted this one. We learned to make waffle batter from scratch, and omelets (I'd never done that before), and Shan made cheese grits. And all this just in time to go home for buffalo chilli that was made in the new programmable crock pot out pals got us. Overall, a relaxing, pleasant weekend. Just what was needed before a long week ahead...

That Creep Trump

One of my favorite blogs to read is the incomparable "Barrow Bits", which offers insight about the latest political happenings as well as stock tips. This most recent post addresses a certain "creep" we all know named Donald Trump. Now, Trump is all but announcing he's running for president, because if there's one thing this country needs right now it's a president who went bankrupt in the casino business, is known for ill-advised statements and serial marriages, and has absolutely no political experience whatsoever. Better yet, Trump has come out as a "birther", challenging Obama's citizenship. Really, folks? We're still doing this in 2011? Clearly though the Trump "candidacy" shouldn't be taken seriously. The one thing Trump has been very good at is self-publicity, and making money off his fame. How is this anything more than another stunt to keep up his brand? He's not about to spend two years running around local party meetings in the mid-west, eating corn dogs at the Iowa state fair, attending endless debates with the various also-rans running for the GOP nomination--all just to try and win a lower-paying job, live in worse quarters than he's used to, and have to constantly watch what he says and does since he'd be the leader of the free world. It's just not worth taking seriously. But let's add Trump to the list of underwhelming challengers on the GOP side--Palin, Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum--frankly, if this is what the GOP produces in candidates we can pretty much expect another four years of Obama, no matter what happens with the economy.