On to Conquer Television

As an up and coming titan of the entertainment business (just as soon as my two films, "Road House 3--Back to Basics" and "Psycho Jesus Versus Emo Hitler" make it to the silver screen) it's important for me to prepare a foray into television during my downtime. However, TV is a tricky animal, which has chewed up and spit out naive farm boys like James Cameron (still high off of "Titanic" when he made "Dark Angel") and Magic Johnson (whose talk show lasted maybe one week). There are a lot of things I haven't figured out about TV, and would like some answers:

1) Why did anyone think it would be a good idea to end an episode of a show with a freeze-frame of the characters laughing as the credits roll? This also means still shots of the episode we just saw, as the rest of the credits come up.

2) What's the point of canned laughter? Will something be funnier if we hear the laughter of others? Are we sheep?

3) Why on late night talk shows does the host need a desk? Are they doing business between interviews?

4) Bob Newhart really needs another show. We're due.