Super Bowled

Well, the Super Bowl is only a few days away, and legions of fans in the greater Pittsburgh area (which interestingly includes D.C., which apparently has no football team of its own) and the greater Chicago area are ready to face off in a test of wills. Does steel trump stockyards? We shall see! But no grudge match is complete without making it interesting--I'm talking about bets! Here's my picks:

1) First stupid thing said by a TV commentator--I'm going to go with someone pointing out the fact that this is the first Super Bowl where neither team has cheerleaders. Extra points if this leads to an in depth discussion of sexism in the NFL.

2) Best commercial of the evening--It'll have to be a commercial for Pepsi. They're just due.

3) Most talked about commercial that doesn't actually help sell the product--remember the GoDaddy ads with the girl who had a nipple slip? I think this year it'll be an ad that features Sarah Palin shooting a congresswoman in the head. What will they be selling? Does it really matter?

4) Biggest example of some disaster that we all should have seen coming--Troy Polamalu having his long dreadlocks ripped off by an opposing player. I don't remember anyone ripping off Johnny Unitas' dreadlocks. In my day, onion in my belt, uphill both ways, get off my lawn...

5) Final Score--the Steelers will collectively walk away with $40 million in celebrity endorsements, and the Bears will wind up with about $15 million.

6) Most annoying person at the Super Bowl Party--the one who complains that we're missing the Get Smart marathon on TBS.

7) Greatest hero at the Super Bowl--the guy who stays sober long enough to pick up more ice and some goldfish crackers since we're running low.

8) Reason this will be the best Super Bowl ever--because I'll be watching it with the gang in Miami.