Fanged Beasts

At work, I tried to casually bring up the idea of a Vampire Contingency Plan (or a VCP, for those of you who already have a VCP in place at your own workplace) and discovered to my horror that we don't have any such plan whatsoever. No crucifixes (or is that "crucifii"?), very little garlic, and holy water? Nope. At best I could tear apart my desk to try and make stakes, but I'm more likely to just get some nasty splinters, all the while the vampires take over our entire office. And if they get to the break room, then I can say goodbye to my afternoon root beer breaks.

Everyone knows that vampires are a lot more deadly than any other type of monster, mostly because they fit in so well with the hipster and goth culture which makes them hard to spot and stab. This also explains why hipsters and goths get stabbed a lot--vampire hunters, obviously! Zombies, on the other hand, are slow moving so a brisk walk is enough to counteract them. Werewolves? Please! We only have to worry about them once a month, and even then we can put them to rest with some Purina Puppy Chow.