Best and Worst of 2010

As the year ends, it is time to award the 2010 prizes in our "best of" segment:

1) Best political campaign of the year: this has to go to Christine "I'm Not a Witch" O'Donnell. Many candidates can lose big in longshot races, but she managed to become a lightning rod of media attention by repeatedly saying and doing inexplicably stupid things. But maybe she's smarter than we think--she's going to be a high paid media personality before we know it. Proof of the pudding--name the loser in the Colorado, Florida or West Virginia Senate races from this year--each of which did better than O'Donnell in the final vote tally.

2) Dumbest political battle of the year: Sarah Palin supporters trying to stack the votes to keep her daughter on "Dancing With the Stars". This is really about as dumb as Obama supporters trying to stack to vote to help out Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino on that same show.

3) Worst idea for a remake that shouldn't be done: the Red Dawn remake. Apparently the Chinese are going to invade, probably as a result of our bonds defaulting and them coming to repossess everything. Of course, this wouldn't be done with tanks and troops, but with lawyers (many of them American lawyers!) and papers indicating a security interest in our government's assets. Pass!

4) Best idea for a remake that was surprisingly not made: Road House. I mean, if you're going to do a Swayze film, make it Road House, not Red Dawn! If you hate the Chinese so damn much then make it so the Double Douce is owned by China or something.

5) Worst stories regarding the economy: anything by the New York Times about rich people complaining about how hard it is to live rich when their several millions were reduced to only a few millions. That family in Michigan eating ketchup off of cardboard really feels for you.

6) Best TV show discovery: "Party Down". Sadly, it never picked up an audience.

7) Worst State to Drive Through: move over, Delaware--New Jersey takes back the perch.

8) Dumbest trend: Justin Beiber. Looks like 2010 has an answer to Leif Garrett! If you don't know who that is then good for you.

9) Best Party Held at Shanadu: it's a six-way tie: Mardi Gras; Superbowl, Kentucky Derby; 4th of July; Labor Day; Shannon's Birthday.

10) Best things to be happy about as 2010 draws to a close--good friends, fambly, loved ones, health, employment, and pizza.

Xmas Wrap Up

Xmas with the fambly was, as always, a fun treat with a bit of nostalgia mixed with modernism. We drove up early on Xmas Eve, and had the Five Fishes (we still haven't been able to make it to the mighty seven fishes, but there's always next year...) followed by presents, roaring fire, and fine beaujolais wine. The Five Fishes this year were smelts, homemade crab cakes, scrimps and scallops over linguini, and salmon dip made by Shan who is becoming quite the honorary Italian. The following day it was scotch (or "scottish" as we call it in the streets. The streets of SW DC, I mean, specifically G Street), and homemade ravioli and treats. Then came the news.

The East Coast was once again going to be smacked by a blizzard. Oh, joy! Blizzards of course are God's way of saying "the hell with you, my most shameful creation! I should have stopped after inventing monkeys". Because this was going to screw travel plans big time.

Sunday, during the blizzard we stuck with homemade pizza and beer, and hey, why not more scottish, and some bloody marys to round it out. The snow just kept falling.

So on Monday, we decide to brave it--the roads were mostly clear, and traffic should be light. What we didn't count on was New Jersey deciding against keeping their on-ramps free of big rocks.

So this bit of destiny--a rock about the size of a baseball--was hidden among sorockme unplo, wed bit of snow on the on-ramp where the Garden State Parkway meets the Turnpike. "Turnpike" comes from the Iroquois word for "up yours, Jersey!" and sure enough, I blow my tire when I hit the rock. I limp the car past the toll booth and off to the side to change it.

Ever change a tire in cold wind on messy pavement? It's not as fun as it sounds! The whole ordeal might have taken about a half hour, during which no fewer than six drivers (Shannon counted!) pulled over near us, to wipe snow off their roofs and drive off without asking if we needed help. Yes, Jerseyites are all basically Hitler. Screw them and their fat cheapass governor, who can't clear rocks off of his main roads and certainly can't get help for stranded motorists. Say what you will about Southerners, but they will at least stop and help stranded motorists without a second thought. New Jerseyites on the other hand are scum and this is probably a result of the decades of raw sewage dumped in their state by New Yorkers. May they rot in hell.

After changing the tire, I needed to add air to it, and hobbled to the nearest rest stop to do that. Ah, a rest stop--the very name "rest" implying some relaxation. Not in Jersey, friends! This one was crowded and inadequately plowed, with a line for gas resembling the Jimmy Carter years and making me wonder why there was no disco music in the background. After a ridiculously long time--made worse by the cheap hipster ahead of me who was chagrined that they only sold "super" that day--hey, dumbass! Just pay the extra and go back to penny pinching tomorrow. We gotta get gas, twerp!--I finally gas up, add air to the tire, and finish the drive. New Jersey, I shall now do everything possible to never drive in your worthless state again.

And today, after doing some work remotely, I attempt to put up a shelf and drop the goddam thing on my bare toe. What a way to end 2010.

Invite Etiquette

I've been a longtime reader of the Dan Savage advice columns--the readers write in with questions about sexual issues, relationship problems, and in some cases political issues related to sex and relationships. What I've liked about Savage is his gruff and blunt approach to readers problems and a willingness to tell you what you don't want to hear.

I have to say, though, this week's advice to a gay man whose boyfriend isn't invited to his sister's wedding misses the mark (it's the second item in the column). Apparently, the writer's family hasn't accepted his homosexuality and doesn't approve of his boyfriend (it isn't clear how long they've been dating, though Savage's answer suggests 2 years, which info might have been edited out of the writer's question in print). The invite to the sister's wedding was to the brother only, without a "guest" or "plus one" on the invite. Savage's response focused on the assumption that it was the family's homophobia that was behind this, and he advised telling the sister that he (the brother) plans on bringing the boyfriend to the wedding, or otherwise won't attend.

Now, I'm all in favor of a confrontation over the family's homophobia, if that is in fact the issue here. Clearing the air sooner rather than later would be if nothing else cathartic. But it's not entirely clear that the lack of "plus one" on the invite wasn't due to other factors--maybe this is a very small wedding and guests (even long term boyfriends) are discouraged, or maybe this boyfriend is an offensive brute and the sister would prefer him not being at the wedding.

But there's also the issue of basic wedding etiquette. Weddings are expensive, and space is often limited, and each additional "plus one" makes an impact. Letting an invitee bring a guest often means not being able to invite an old friend or relative. Sure, it's tacky to invite a person and not their spouse, but on the other extreme is the single dude (or dudette) who simply wants to bring along company to the event and invites someone they just started seeing or is just casual friends with. Anyone wanting to do that should approach it with the host(ess) tactfully and be willing to take "no" for an answer.

Dan Savage in this case seems to have hooked onto a family's need to accept their son's sexual orientation but has overlooked the difficulties of managing a wedding guest list and the need to handle it reasonably.

Of course, if the sister is just bowing to the family's homophobia, then screw that.

500th Post

Well, this is my 500th post. What has been accomplished over the course of this blog? A quick survey of my previous posts indicates that this blog consists of:

1) Reviews of films, both brilliant and downright horrible.

2) Complaints about stupid idiots that piss me off.

3) Politics, which is basically the same as (2) but with more anger.

4) Longing for food.

5) Cultural criticism.

What will I cover in the next 500 posts? Will they include creative writing? Poetry? Intricate discussions of controversial economic models? Only time will tell! Bear with me for the next 500.

Xmas Tree Time

Ah, the Yuletide season, when we sit by the Yule Log, we sing Yule Songs, and we watch Yul Brynner films. What could be better than the twinkling of strung lights and the cooking of seven fishes and the inevitable Xmas hangover?

Of course, a key part of this all is the tree. Now, Xmas trees have changed a lot over the years, from the natural trees brought inside and decorated with real (and quite dangerous!) candles, to the aluminum silver colored trees of the Eisenhower era, to new fangled contraptions like "upside down" trees that hang from the ceiling (bonus for these--less floor space taken up, decorations easier to see, and more room for presents!). My own fambly used to always use natural trees, and over the years the number of homemade ornaments increased until the damn thing looked like a garbage can was emptied on it. Then, one year my dad thought he'd be clever and buy a realistic-looking fake tree, to save us from the trek up to Dutchess County and having to pick out and cut and haul a tree back home with the inevitable cries of "can't we stop at that diner to eat?" He even went and bought fancy ornaments to class the tree up--only white lights, and everything silver. The sort of tree you might see in a corporation's lobby.

Of course, a few snide remarks from the kids and ole dad had to go and pick out a real tree as well, so each year we became a fambly of two trees--one fake but nice looking one, and one real tree covered with our homemade tacky ornaments. The number of presents though, did not increase.

In our current apartment we have a red aluminum tree, which I insisted on keeping up after the holidays last year and as a result it has remained up the whole year. This meant not having to go through the trouble of taking it down and putting it back up again, so in a way you could say I beat the system.

When I have kids, though, my plan is to draw a big picture of a tree and put it up on the wall in the den. I can even draw in little presents below the tree, and tell the kids that if they're not good then I can easily erase the presents.

Yes, I do plan on saving up for my own retirement home....

Undercover Boss!

I've been recently catching up on this show "Undercover Boss" and have to say a more brilliant piece of public relations I have yet to see! The idea behind this reality show is that each week, a large company will send its CEO undercover (with disguises, fake names, etc.) to work each day at an entry level job at some part of the company to get an idea of what the bottom level employees go through and what's on their minds. The excuse for the camera crews following them around is that there's a documentary being filmed about entry level jobs, so the hope is that the CEO then gets a better sense of the challenges facing their workers and can improve the company with this new perspective. Brilliant, eh?

It seems to follow a very set formula--the boss fails miserably at each entry-level task, looking foolish on the camera and demonstrating just how much better the day-to-day employees really are. (I think the bosses sort of intentionally screw up--the show would go very badly if the boss was excellent at working a lathe, for instance, and then comments "hey, this is easier than they make it look! Why am I paying my people so much???") The boss (in the guise of a "new guy") also chats with the employees, finds out what makes them tick (one may have financial difficulties, a bad back, or overcome some other disability), and we get to see the boss feeling bad about what their people have to go through. In the end, he (so far, it's always a "he") reveals himself to the employees, talks about what he's learned, and explains how he's going to improve, and usually does something nice for the individual employees he worked with (a vacation, a promotion, etc.). (In some cases, a boss will catch an employee being rude to customers and staff, and have to chew them out in the end, but this is rare).

The brilliant PR part of it? An hour episode of free advertising for the company, making the boss and the employees look like good people doing good work (the cameras never catch anyone doing a half-assed job or stealing, obviously). I'd say it'd be nuts for any company NOT to go on this show.

Of course, the formula will get old quick, so I can see some ways to spice it up:

1) Undercover Crime Boss. See what happens when the Godfather of the Gambino Fambly decides to see just how hard his hired goons have to work, muscling in on local retailers.

2) Undercover President. See Obama pretend to be an entry level staffer at the Department of Energy, and find out the waste and corruption that needs to be fixed.

3) Undercover Bad Boss. See the boss find out how much life sucks for his employee with too many mouths to feed--and then decide to fix it by kidnapping the extra kids.

Snow....Damn Snow

So, they're predicting snow today. Lovely. I get to spend my evening sitting on the highway behind severe traffic backups because some mouth-breather in their SUV decided to speed on the ice and create a wreck, shutting down a lane. This, my friends, is the suck.

I have come to dread snow as an adult, because snow doesn't mean not having to go to school, or making snow forts, or sledding. Besides kids, the only people who can possibly enjoy snow are:

1) Ski bums. Yeah, they just love their cumbersome hobby that requires serious equipment maintenance and access to chair lifts. This is probably because they haven't discovered drinking by a fire. They'll learn!

2) Russians defending themselves from the Nazis. However, while Jack Frost did help save Russia in WWII, the Russians were still stuck with a problem. They lived in a frozen hell that only a nut like Hitler would want.

3) Midwestern serial killers. These guys love hiding bodies in the snow, which can hide evidence for long enough to flee the country. But I have no plans to move to the midwest. Or, er, become a serial killer.

Sadly, leaving Maine I must have brought the winters with me. At least the Mainers can rejoice in milder days!