Well, the Royal Wedding is under way today and I have to say I won't be watching it. Normally, the prospect of watching two unemployed inbreds get hitched is appealing to me for the sheer car-wrecky aspect of it, but here there's just something missing. And that something is "spontaneity".
See, the best thing about a wedding is the unexpected romps of drama that go with it. The fights, the drunken bridesmaids, the wedding cakes falling apart, the mothers-in-law who wander off during picture time--it's that sort of thing that makes it more than a boring ceremony. This royal wedding, being overly staged and choreographed--and with so much money at stake--promises to be a complete yawner.
What is the chance of an uninvited Sarah Ferguson getting into a row with Kate Middleton's estranged Uncle Femus, and knocking over the gift table? What is the chance of the bride's skirt getting ripped off, like something in that brilliant 1983 film "Zapped"? What is the chance of Queen Elizabeth doing a karaoke version of "Crazy Bitch" at the reception?
No chance at all. Watching a test pattern has more appeal. News flash, Brits--you'll get a lot more interest from foreigners if you did what the French and Russians did to their royals.
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