Tuesday, October 26, 2010

DC Statehood

As a new DC resident and a charter member of the "The Heat in Our Building is Too Damn High" party, I've come to focus on some key local issues. Namely, DC Statehood!

One of the best arguments used against DC statehood has been the dreadful mismanagement of the city by its elected leaders. Not that this should be a disqualifier--we let California still be a state, and look at the mess they're in! And now Californians are deciding whether their state will be led by an overcooked aged hippie or a woman who wants the job so badly she's willing to spend $140 million of her own money to get it. (Mind you, this is more than Al Gore spent in 2000 running for president). DC deserves to mismanage itself, thank you very much!

But then there's the issue--what if we did become a state? Would we have a Governor AND a mayor, each with the same jurisdiction? Would our state troopers be distinct from our city cops? Could we invade Virginia so that we could take back Arlington? These are the answers we need!

Obviously, one of the other issues blocking DC statehood is that Republicans don't want to hand the Democrats an easy two Senate seats, since that would be the sure result of statehood. The Democrats would have to find something to offer in return--maybe take an overwhelmingly Republican state and divide it in two, like East Wyoming or North Utah. But I like the idea of taking a nice chunk of Canada just because we can. (Canada's Motto--We're America's Hat.) I mean, sure they're nice and all, but would they really go to war over Alberta? I think not!

So, if you know any Canadians, talk to them about how much of a drag it is to keep Alberta, how it sucks up their resources and really upsets the nice balance the rest of the country has. Maybe, just maybe we can trick them into offering it to us.


  1. Actually saw an interesting article in NoVa magazine a year or so ago. It postulated that subdividing Virginia (again) might not be a bad idea. Basically everything north of the Rappahannock would become the 51st state. 'Course, this would rip the economic engine out of the Commonwealth, but who really cares about all those hicks?

    So, if you want to, you D.C.ers could join our new state and keep your mayor. Everyone's problems solved. Except for maybe the GOP's, but I'm guessing the combination of D.C. and Arlington would probably be balanced out by Fairfax.

  2. Foggy--the GOP would still need its own new state, otherwise they fight it tooth and nail!