Man Up!

There's a disturbing trend in this recent political season--female candidates (generally Tea Party Republicans it seems) mocking the manhood of their male opponents. Sharron Angle, Sarah Palin, Christine "I can count to potato!" O'Donnell--each has used some form of the phrase "man up!" in chastising men who aren't doing what they like. Some, like Palin, have even accused their targets of lacking "cojones" as she did to Obama for his action on illegal immigration. This of course puts the men in a very tricky situation, because if they responded in kind they'd be trashed as sexist, condescending, or cruel for picking on a woman. It's a tricky double standard that these female candidates are happy to exploit (while still calling themselves feminists, of course. Remember when Susan B. Anthony told President Cleveland to "grow a pair and deal with those tricky Spaniards"?).

How to handle something like this? As I said, you can't strike back in the same fashion, by questioning your opponent's womanhood or sexual organs, as much fun as that might be. I'd suggest these responses to any complaint that you lack manhood:

1) "My wife could beat up that limpass you call a husband, so watch it, toots."

2) "If you're challenging me to a contest of masculinity, I confess I couldn't grow as nice a mustache as you have."

3) "Just because you managed to grow male organs doesn't give you the right to talk that way to me."

4) "Do you really want to talk that way to a man who did what I did in Vietnam?"

5) "I couldn't hear you through the sound of your penis envy."

6) "Are sweet words like that how you landed your current husband? Because the way he's sitting in the audience right now is reminiscent of a castrated rooster."

7) "Aren't you supposed to still be governing Alaska? How's that working out for you?"

8) "If you keep talking to me like a fifth grader, I will have no choice but to sneak over to your house and pee in your pool."