Friday, July 13, 2012

Burger for $666?

The big problem with morons is that they tend to believe that the more you spend on something the better it is.  While this is sometimes true--after all, you really need to drive a car you bought used for $200 for a while before you can truly appreciate a thing like brakes and doors that close all the way--there's also a point at which you just can't get something any better.  With burgers, that point is at a relatively low price--I don't think I've ever eaten a burger that cost more than $20 and said "if only they put more expensive ingredients in here, it'd be even tastier!"

Then there's the infamous $666 "Douche Burger", the new exhibit to prove my case that some people just don't deserve to have money.  For your $666, you get a burger with gold leaf (gold tastes delicious, according to no one at all ever), lobster, caviar, foie gras, and champagne steam.  I note that it also comes wrapped in three hundred dollar bills, so the burger really only sets you back $366, but that's still a lot to pay for a burger.

My problem is I just don't see how what's offered will enhance the taste of the burger--you're essentially talking about adding expensive crap to it for the sake of it, but not actually making it taste better.  The ridiculousness of adding actual gold to food aside, let's consider each of these ingredients:

1) Foie gras.  Even if you like the taste of this, wouldn't it get drowned out on the taste of the burger?  I know of no epicures who'd say "foie gras tastes best when slathered on top of meat."  Same goes for the caviar.

2) The beef is Kobe beef, and I guarantee you if it's ground into a patty you can't tell that from any other beef.  And if you think I'm wrong then please stop lying to yourself. 

3) Champagne steam?  Give me a break!  No one on earth will eat a burger and say "I thought it was okay, but what really improved it was the champagne steaming!  Mmm, goodness!"

4) Lobster--there is a time and place for lobster, and that includes eating it on a roll or directly out of the shell.  But everyone knows lobster is really just a bland vessel for melted butter!  Shrimp, squid, clams--those have some severe flavor!  Lobster is just popular because it's expensive (though that's changed this year, lobster lovers!).

The fact is, for something like a burger, there's only so much you can do to make it great, and you simply can't justify the expense beyond that.  It comes down to lean beef, with spices and bits of veggie and bacon in the patty itself, cooked just barely well, and topped with fresh lettuce, tomato, pickle and thick bacon, maybe some high quality cheese, and fresh toasted bun.  That's basically it, and you just can't justify more than $15 for it.

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