Wednesday, July 25, 2012

NE D.C.--Trying to be the Next Detroit

Few things in the news can roast my chickens as much as a story like this one.  A gay couple gets viciously attacked in Northeast Washington, in all likelihood simply because they're gay.  This isn't your garden-variety "marriage is only between a man and a woman" myopia a la Chick-fil-a, or your "gay kisses make baby Jesus cry" nonsense--this is pure, uncut hatred perpetrated by some sick individuals.  This is the sort of thing that makes me wish the story read more like "local thugs beaten to a pulp by victims who turned out to be ex-Green Berets who get the job done . . . their way." 

Street crime needs to become one of those professions that is so definitely likely to get your face bashed in and your arms broken that young toughs are driven to take classes at night school and learn useful things like air conditioner repair.  A good day will be one that features a regular conversation along the lines of:

Thug: Hey, Tough Guy, want to go hit the streets with me and beat up some passerbyes?

Tough Guy: No way, Thug!  My brother did that last night, and now he's speaking through a tube because he didn't realize that a lot of ex-Navy SEALS tend to cut through our neighborhood on their way to and from other ass-kickings.  And I think it's pronounced "passers-by".

Thug: You're right, Tough Guy!  And your grammar correction merely buttresses the point that all this gang banging has made my educational development suffer significantly.  Off to the library!

Tough Guy: Library's closed.  Funding cuts.

Thug: Dammit all to Hell!

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