Dating Without Drinking

Everyone knows that one of the two biggest reasons to drink alchohol is to meet people of the opposite sex. (The other reason is to dull the pain of finding out your kid is choosing to major in Art History at that college for which you're paying $25K a semester) Based on that, this article struck a chord--the author decided to give up drinking due to the excessive hangovers and found that it creates a lot more awkwardness while dating than he'd imagined. Clearly, two drunken adults pawing each other is one thing, but a sober guy picking up bar sluts has a certain predatory sound to it.

Of course, there's also the whole "nurse one drink over the night" strategy, but that's a good way to not enjoy your beer/wine/Wild Turkey. After all, nothing good should ever be chugged but nothing good should ever be left to go stale in your glass either.

Where should a single dude go if he wants to meet women sober? There are some basic rules:

1) The zoo. Anyone asking you where your drink is when you're at the zoo is definitely not your friend! In fact, such a person may have deep problems and be in serious need of help.

2) The bus. You know what women love? When a guy sitting next to them on the bus starts chatting her up so she can't escape easily. One person's "trapped" is another person's "cozy".

3) Laundromat. Wait, have you ever been to a laundromat? Scratch that one.

4) Bookstore. You can try this, but be careful not to have a giant cliche fall on you.

5) Coffee house. Just pretend your latte is already "Irished up". A good way to make this convincing is to not wear pants.

6) Street corners. Most people think women don't like being whistled at when they're on their way to their business. However, construction workers and day laborers keep on doing it. This leads to the conclusion that it must work sometimes.

7) The theatre. The risk here is that any woman you try to pick up at the theatre is going to make you her shopping buddy. Danger, Will Robinson!