Thursday, February 24, 2011

Libyan Libido

Ah, Libya--when they're not trying to kill Marty McFly at the Twin Pines mall before he goes back to the future, they're fixing to revolt against their maniac terrorist leader. Let's start with the initial problems with Khadaffi:

1) No one can spell his name. Quadaffi, Khadafi, Cuadaffei, Ghadaffy--apparently, any way you spell it is acceptable. And it's not just an Arab thing--apparenly no one spells "Arafat" as "Erefet" or "bin Laden" as "Ben Ludden" or whatnot. This leads me to believe Khadaffi is just plain difficult. Knock it off, Moammar!

2) He's only a Colonel. That means he doesn't even outrank Sanders. How can he even command his generals, when he's at a lower rank? No wonder his military sucks!

3) He expelled all the country's Italians 40 years ago. So next time you can't get a good slice of pizza in Tripoli, you know who to blame. Way to improve your country, fool!

4) He is guarded by a platoon of karate-trained female bodyguards. Ok, that is kind of neat. Sort of like he got his governing ideas from watching "Dolemite".

But now, we have reports that this nut has ordered armed mercenaries and supporters to open fire on protesters and up this incident to Tiannamen Square levels. (Not that T-Square ever hurt China any). His cabinet is abandoning him, and entire cities in the country are in the hands of rebels. This doesn't look like it will end well! A few thoughts:

1) Khadaffy will have to find somewhere to run to if he gets out of this alive. Saudi Arabia is a possibility, as that's where Idi Amin ran to, and rumors abound that Khadaffe's mother was Jewish and if true, he could go to Israel under their "right of return" laws which would be delicious irony. There's always France, which loves to house scoundrels from Trotsky to the Ayatollah.

2) What is it with former Italian colonies going completely to pot? Somalia, Libya--it's as though the Italians can only leave a legacy of chaos. It's like the French times ten.

3) It would be nice to see the President speak out forcefully to address these protests that are now sweeping the Arab world. Sure, we don't want to make it seem like the protesters are puppets of Uncle Sam, and also we want to be careful not to support uprisings that could lead to anti-American governments. But some general statement of principles could provide a morale boost for those who are putting their lives on the line to topple vile regimes right now.


  1. For what it's worth... bin Laden's name is spelled with letters that have direct corollaries in English. None of the letters in Ghaddafi's name except the F have an equivalent letter.

    Also, no way he'll go to Saudi - definitely Venezuela or sub-Saharan Africa.

  2. Hannah, I should have known to check with the Arabic language expert first!