Over the weekend, President Obama was campaigning in Fort Pierce, Florida, and visited a pizza parlor where the owner, Scott Van Nuzer, got so overcome that he bear-hugged Obama and lifted him off the ground.
This is an absolute outrage. Pizza, created by a man named "Scott Van Nuzer"? Unless he had his name legally changed from Nunzio Guiseppe Dell'Italiano Goombetti, he ought to stick to making waffles! Or whatever the hell the Dutch eat. Who knows? I'm too busy eating Goombetti pizza to pay attention.
(In fairness--yes, a non-Italian is technically capable of making excellent pizza. But only by the same token that a non-Southerner is capable of making excellent BBQ. It can happen, but there's a food-cred issue that has to be overcome. Yes, I'm prejudiced.)
But apparently the real outrage was coming from the fact that this guy is an Obama supporter, and now partisans are boycotting his pizza joint and giving him awful reviews on online ratings sites like Yelp. This will likely cause a backlash-lash among Obamaphiles, who will now make a point of going to eat Van Nuzer's pizza, and so forth.
Yes, America has reached full derp. We are now at a point where politics controls where we eat. This is all just too damn stupid and makes me question whether evolution is working, because we might actually be getting dumber as a species.
How about this? How about just eating where you like the food, service and ambience, and accepting that the proprietor might have different political opinions than you do? That maybe even if you don't like the President, it's not a deal-killer that the pizza owner gave him a big bear hug because it's pretty exciting to have the leader of the Free World visit your establishment?
Then maybe when I tell people I can't stand the Dixie Chicks, they won't assume it's because of their half-baked politics but rather that their music is twangy and boring and overrated, and when I tell people I don't like Mel Gibson films it's not because he's a homophobic anti-Semite but because his characters all have this strange coincidence where he has a dead wife (seriously, it's weird). And then when I'm eating Ben and Jerrys and Domino's in the same afternoon, people will think it's because the iced cream is pretty good and no other pizza place delivered to my home, rather than me being both a hippie and Christian activist.
But no, we're in full derp season now.