We're being hit with a particularly nasty cold snap, as though it's God's way of saying "get the hell out of Maine, fool!" Yeah, God sounds a lot like Mr. T and he's pitying this fool. Some have argued that God sounds more like Johnny Cash (which would explain why so many country music fans are religious) and others have argued that God sounds more like an elderly Jewish mother (which would explain why s/he was able to get Moses to do all that stuff in the Bible).
Portland could really use a series of underground tunnels (perhaps lit by glass skylights and some electric lighting) for this time of year. Maybe I need to drop by city hall, and propose it, sort of like I'd be doing the city a big favor.
Brando: Hey, city commissioner, my crew and I just got done putting in an amazing tunnel system for Del Mar, Minnesota. Don't bother looking that town up on your atlas because it's unlisted.
City Commish: Really? Why are you telling me this? And who let you in my office?
Brando: Yeah, the tunnel paid for itself in a few years, since they set up stores and vendors in the tunnels, and they saved on having to plow sidewalks and get sued by people falling on ice.
City Commish: Hmm, I always dreamed of not getting sued so much....
Brando: And that's not all! If you act now, we can do it with a minimum of overcharges!
City Commish: Sold!