Here's what sucks about Delaware. Everything! They charge you a high toll for passing along a federally funded Interstate highway for what's about fifteen miles. (Somehow, Florida is able to maintain a 300 mile stretch of that same highway without charging a toll on it.) And their license plates proudly list Delaware as "the First State". Well, whoopty freaking doo, jackasses! For being a state longer than anyone else, you really have nothing to show for it! Let's look at the other original states:
1) New York. Produced the Roosevelts, Alexander Hamilton, the Big Apple.
2) New Hampshire. Live Free or Die! Cheap booze too.
3) Massachusetts. John Adams, Boston, clam chowder, Cape Cod.
4) New Jersey. The Sopranos, everything from Kevin Smith, Atlantic City. Also, per capita the wealthiest state in the country today.
5) Rhode Island. The littlest state! And Family Guy, and the Farrelly Brothers.
6) Connecticut. Yale, wealthy blue bloods, William F. Buckley, Martha Stewart, and if you pronounce the state's name wrong it sounds dirty.
7) Pennsylvania. Ben Franklin, the nation's first capital, lots of great football players (Namath, Montana, Unitas), those Amish, and the Cheesesteak.
8) Maryland. Crabs, Edgar Allan Poe, that Blair Witch.
9) Virginia. Civil War sites, Robert E. Lee, Washington, Jefferson, and Madison.
10) The Carolinas. Top notch college basketball, pork-based barbecue, tobacco, hilariously awful segregationists.
11) Georgia. Gone With the Wind, Coke, Otis Redding, Martin Luther King.
12) Delaware. Hmmm. Joe Biden?
Up yours, Delaware. Consider your statehood revoked.
Envelopes – Essential Buyers Manuals
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