Monday, December 6, 2010

Laws That Should Be On the Books

1) Any customer service number has to go to a human being directly. Yes, they can put you on hold until one is available, but any business that has that "automatic options" crap with the "enter your number" crap, immediately gets shut down by the police and its Board of Directors gets beaten in the streets to make an example.

2) It is still illegal to key someone's car, unless they are taking up two parking spaces or double parked. Then it's fair game.

3) Everything charged in every store or restaurant has to come to an even dollar amount when sales tax is included. We have the technology. We can make small change a thing of the past.

4) There needs to be a fourth color for traffic signals. There should be go, stop, slow down, and seriously, slow down because it's about to go red like right now.

5) Shaving cream should really come out in different colors. Maybe this shouldn't be a law, but it'd be pretty cool. Especially since the color could be different for when you're really close to the bottom and need a new can.

6) The qualifications to be president should remain the same--35 years old, natural born citizen, lived in the U.S. for 14 years--but they should add a corrollary that if you quit halfway in the middle of your one term as governor of Alaska, AND you use Twitter as your primary means of communication, you're disqualified.

7) Any city or state that won't let you carry a handgun has to at least let you carry a cool trident or broadsword.


  1. A broadsword? Why not a rapier? Or is rapier only permitted in the "wit" subcategory of defensive options?

  2. MSnay--definitely in the "wit" category--because a "broadsword wit" implies broad slapstick, like early Chevy Chase.

  3. Totally agree on #3, but you know they'd just round up. And, while I agree on #6, it does seem to be a very narrowly written bill. It might get challenged in the courts. But then the judges could just deny cert because they "shouldn't be legislating from the bench." Touche! (with a broadsword).

  4. Foggy--they'd likely round up, though if competition was fierce I could see a lot of vendors finding ways to cut their own costs or profits to round down and try to get more business (at least where there's demand flexibility). But in any case, I'd almost rather pay up to 99 cents more just to not have to deal with change! Yet, I almost always accept change when offered, knowing I may need it for future transactions (not to mention vending machines)...

    As for 6, sure is narrow written--maybe instead it could also add "politicians who have names rhyming with 'failin'".