Friday, January 28, 2011

A Not So Secret Shame!

Recently it came to my attention that a friend of mine harbors what should have been a shameful secret--owning a full collection of the "Sex and the City" DVDs. It also happens that this friend of mine is a straight male, but I should note this would have been scandalous even if he were gay or a woman--the show is basically crap. One good looking woman, one woman who used to be good looking, one so-plain-you'll-miss-her woman, and one talking horse all scoot around a version of Manhattan that only exists in the mind of teenage girls who've never actually been to the city. None of that gritty, urban New York for the SATC fans--just cosmopolitans, expensive shoes, and random sex with very rich men. The show is basically unwatchable unless you're really into fashions and want to believe that rich men are seriously desperate for any shallow hag that will sleep with them.

Now, this friend of mine apparently has been displaying this collection prominently in his apartment and I somehow missed it each time I've been over there, perhaps because my brain developed a blind spot as an evolutionary precaution against the level of shame I'd feel for my friends in such situations. (Similarly, the blind spot should kick in if one of my friends were caught pleasuring a cat or something, but hey, let's not test this theory) Of course, we all have our secret shames--love for Miley Cyrus music, a preference for eggs on pizza, a leg warmer fetish--but these shames are best left discreet. The big question was raised among this guy's friends--why on earth would he PROUDLY display a SATC collection for all to see? Some theories:

1) He is a foreigner with no understanding of English, and has absolutely no idea what those DVDs are, and is hoping it's some sort of freak porn. However, this is not the case--he speaks English quite well, and is as American as an obesity epidemic.

2) He is using the DVD case for SATC to cover for illegal snuff films. This theory doesn't fly--after all, snuff films would be less embarrassing than the SATC collection.

3) He is cynically displaying the DVDs in a crass attempt to convince visiting women that he is a sensitive guy so they'll sleep with him. However, only the dumbest of women would fall for such a transparent ploy.

4) He genuinely likes the show, because he's really really into fashion and overpriced shoes. However, this guy always wears dark jeans with white sneakers, which only works if you're a gangster rapper or a mafia hood.

5) He genuinely likes the show, because he has a very low opinion of women but plans to buy a woman some day. A very unattractive woman who is unaware of her own unattractiveness and resemblance to a horse. Well, if we see bags of oats in his kitchen then I guess we'll know.

Note to my friend if he reads this--no hard feelings, just gotta rib you over this.