Thursday, January 27, 2011

United States of Shame Chart

This here chart has been making the rounds lately, and of course squeals of protest have been rising across the lands. Apparently some statistics were cobbled together and each of the 50 states has been ranked "worst" in some category--Montana being most drunk driving deaths, New Hampshire with the worst corporate tax rates, New York with the worst commute--and made a handy map to help us guide our lives. See, if you're planning on having some seriously unprotected sex (by which I mean using only one layer of Saran Wrap between you and your partner of the evening), then definitely don't go to Louisiana, which ranks worst with gonorrhea. People from Ohio (nerdiest state) will have a hard time getting by in Maine (dumbest state). The Michiganders can get over their being the worst unemployment by binge drinking in neighboring Wisconsin. I suppose North Dakotans (ugliest residents) have trouble attracting sexual partners, so they travel to South Dakota to get sex by force (most rapes per capita), and when that doesn't work, they go south one more state to Nebraska to vent their anger (most violence on females--not sure what "violence on female" means, sounds more like two guys standing on a layer of women and fighting each other).

Alaska's "most suicides" surprised me a bit though, since it's hard to kill yourself jumping off the top floor of an igloo. And I'm not sure why Utah's "problem"--highest rate of online porn subscriptions--is a problem at all. Wouldn't you rather live in a place where everyone's too busy looking at porn to commit violence on women?


  1. I have to say the one that jumped out at me the most was Utah: highest online porn usage. I guess the Mormons are living by Augustine's prayer: "Oh Lord make me pure, but not yet." Also, I knew there was something off about Washington state.

  2. Foggy--you better believe I wouldnt' take my pet dog Fido to any vets in Seattle after seeing that...