Friday, January 6, 2012

How to be a Sherlocksmith

Sherlock Holmes has brought us many great additions to our pop culture, including the phrase "No shit, Sherlock" and the acceptability of cocaine use to cure boredom. He also taught us that we can make all sorts of grand inferences from the slightest of clues. Learning from this, I am using the powers of deduction in everyday life:

1) I observed the 18-wheeler in my blind spot on the highway yesterday, which continued to speed as I did, regardless of the fact that he had a slower car ahead of him and would have to slam on his brakes. From this, I deduce that the driver of this truck had a load of dead hookers in the back, and this caused his nervous, erratic behavior. Anyone with dead hookers is a registered Democrat (Republicans tend to keep their hookers alive on highway drives, and Independents never let dead hookers affect their driving), so it is obvious to me that Obama needs this trucker's vote come November.

2) I observed one of the entry gates at our parking garage was out of order for over 24 hours. Gates out of order generally mean poor property management, which thus means I should avoid using the bathrooms at work lest the toilet explode.

3) I observed that one of the elevators in our apartment building has been out of order for several weeks now. From this I deduce that we live in the slum.

Elementary!

2 comments:

  1. It's not slum, it's slum-adjacent.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like to think of it as "essence of slum".

    ReplyDelete