Monday, August 31, 2009

Picking Up Women, Part Two

Where we left off last, we were discussing how poor (or "the unrich", to be politically correct), unattractive short men can pick up women by using Truly Brilliant Super Strategy (TBSS). First, though, I want to raise the alternate theories of picking up women so I can demonstrate why TBSS is so much superior to them. Think of it this way--all other theories are like trying to start a car using a rock and a bottle. TBSS is like trying to start a car with car keys. (The beauty of TBSS is it doesn't require you to be good at analogies.)

A lot of self-styled pickup artists ("PUAs" for short) use something they call "game" which involves "peacocking", "negs" and "grabbing a boob when no one is watching". If you ever go out to a bar and see a guy wearing a Russian-style bearskin cap even though it's summer and you live in Miami, then that man is "peacocking"--making himself stand out so he gets noticed. The idea there is that when a woman sees him and says "I think that guy might be mentally slow, is it right for them to serve him beer???" what she really means is "a guy wearing a hat like that must be really good at the sex if he's willing to wear a hat like that with confidence!" Then, bearskin cap guy will use "negs" which are sort of like teasing flirty moves--a backhanded compliment or disguised insult in order to take her by surprise. While most guys would say "hey, you look pretty fine! How about we go hop in the back of my Yugo and I make you preggers?", a guy using "negs" would change this to "hey, nice dress, makes you look like one of the higher priced hookers. And I'd invite you to the back of my Yugo for some groping but it only fits small European asses."

See what he did there? She went from wondering whether the guy ever cleans his bearskin hat to now wondering whether her dress really is a hooker dress, and doubting whether her friends lied to her about her ass-size. And now she wants the sex with this guy! Game, set, match!

However, this strategy has its obvious drawbacks, namely the availability of both blunt and sharp objects in most bars, and women who in this liberated age are not afraid to get a little stabby.

Another strategy is stalking. Of course, stalking only works in one place--romantic comedies! We've seen it a million times, guy meets girl, girl prefers guys who aren't Jack Black or Robin Williams, and guy then decides to break into her house and win her over at a fancy dinner party with hilarious results. The problem is that this strategy can even get you on one of those sex offender lists, and then you have to explain to future dates why you're not allowed to take her to any restaurants within 500 yards of a school or day care center. Awkward!

Some guys say "what about picking up foreign women? They might be from a poor country like Bangladesh, and so relatively speaking, I'm a rich guy! And due to the low calcium diet of the Bangladeshis, I'd be at least taller than her male relatives! Score!" In theory, this is a good strategy, but in reality, even women from the Third World can sniff out desperation in American men (as dogs can sniff out fear when you're just trying to go door to door to sell candy for your wrestling team even though you'd rather quit the team anyway because wrestling sucks). It won't last!

So, with those strategies proven flawed, that leaves only TBSS, which we shall discuss in Part Three....

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