Thursday, August 6, 2009

We're All A Little Bit Fascist, And A Little Bit Rock N' Roll

There's the old saying that a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, and a liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. Surely, there's a little bit of every political type in all of us, depending on the situation at hand:

Socialist. Everyone turns just a bit more socialist when we deal with an insurance company, for any matter at all, or we're super thirsty on a hot day and forgot to carry our wallet. If only these restaurants were forced to offer some water for passers-by! Also, when we see the latest abomination from Paris Hilton or those rich jerkwads from "The Hills" in the news, the idea of seizing their fortunes seems better and better.

Libertarian. We all feel pretty libertarian every time we pay taxes (this is why they make April 15th as far from Election Day as possible), or deal with some slow-wit at City Hall, or get pulled over by a cop for not "driving right". Also, ever trying to buy a beer in the store on a Sunday in some states? Why can't those Puritan weirdos go form a commune and let the rest of us live in drunken bliss?

Fascist. If at any time you say to yourself "you know what would solve this problem, smashing someone over the head with a hammer would solve this problem", then you've had a touch of the ole Fascist spirit. We all feel a bit like this when we're on line at the DMV, or stuck in a traffic jam. True fact--Francisco Franco gave most of his speeches in Spanish traffic jams.

Monarchist. I'll admit, the only time any of us are monarchists is when we realize that we're a direct descendant of the House of Windsor and next in line for the British Throne. Which is pretty much almost never (unless Prince Charles is reading this).

Anarchist. The times we all feel a bit anarchist is when we're wearing a coat and tie in our climate controlled offices, wondering what ever happened to our dreams of cutting through dense forests and hunting grizzlies, and how we might be better off if society just went ahead and collapsed so we could run around shirtless all day with a crude spear and colored rocks.

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