Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I'd Like to See a Movie From the Zombie's Point of View

Last night's film was "Night of the Living Dead", George Romero's first foray into zombie pics (and a movie that never used the word "zombie", just as "The Godfather" never used the words "mafia" or "mob"). The movie had the traditional type of zombie--slow moving, wanting to eat people, scared of fire--and also focused on the breakdown of the human survivors who fight over their own fears and hopes of getting away alive. It was a bit visionary for its time (1967) in that the hero was black, and yet at no point in the film did any character even make a reference to his being black. (It seems in most films these days if a black guy has an argument with a white guy, someone has to say "you people" and start a whole big thing). Sadly, it did maintain the horror film stereotype of women being totally useless and hysterical at all times.

What did I learn from Night of the Living Dead?

1) If you can run at a soft trot, you should have no problem staying ahead of the zombies.

2) Apparently, even nailing several layers of two-by-fours over your windows and doors won't stop zombies who can push with their bare hands.

3) If you're a bald man and you're not played by Bruce Willis or Jason Statham, you're just an hysterical ninny who's going to hurt more than help the group.

4) If you see a strange figure lurching through a graveyard, don't run up to him to see if he's okay. He'll probably bite you and stuff.

5) Coat yourself with barbecue sauce, so that if in fact the zombies end up eating you they at least get a taste of some decent cuisine.

What I sort of don't get is why it's so bad to be killed by the zombies--after all, it just means that you get to be a zombie too. Then it's a lifetime of wandering around and eating other people, which must be a total blast because all the other zombies are doing it. No stress about jobs, no trying to please the opposite sex--what's the problem?

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