Thursday, April 1, 2010

New Charity Idea

By now you've probably heard of this group called the "Westboro Baptist Church" led by a man named Fred Phelps--they're the ones who carry "God Hates Fags" signs at their protests, and have managed to piss off everyone on the left and the right by protesting funerals of servicemembers killed in combat. The reasoning--if you could call it that--behind protesting the funerals is that our soldiers are being killed because the U.S. is far too accepting of gay people, so the combat deaths are God's retribution or something like that. Phelps and his flock are so completely insane that it's hard to feel anything towards them except a hope that they get the psychiatric help they so desperately need. These are truly deranged people.

Their torment of grieving families--at the funerals, no less--is just plain evil, but apparently after being taken to court on this matter the WBC's right to free speech trumped any right the families' had to privacy at these funerals. The father of a Marine whose funeral was protested by WBC was ordered to pay the WBC's legal fees (about $16K) after losing against them at the Appeals level, and conservative commentator Bill "We'll Do It Live!" O'Reilly kicked in the $16K to cover it.

This got me wondering though--not only is O'Reilly a very rich man, but certainly people around the country could put together a massive legal fund totalling in the millions of dollars to cover the legal fees of a group of people that ended up in court against the WBC. If you see what I'm getting at, then perhaps you'll also agree that this fund could also pay for a helicopter to hover over the next WBC protest and dump a couple tons of sticky caramel and sprinkles on these nutjobs. Sure, the helicopter pilot and caramel supplier would get sued, but with a hefty legal fund to cover such losses it'd all be paid for. And maybe eventually the WBC folks would get tired of the caramel and neighborhood dogs that love caramel and it would occur to one of them that maybe their church could spend their time doing food drives for the needy instead of tormenting families in grief.

Folks, it'd be better than donating your hard earned money to help cure motion sickness.


  1. Well, you know, once we get that ninja brewery going, we can have a private foundation to undertake These Matters...


  2. Jenny you diabolical genius...

  3. We'll wear cool capes and ride our ponies to the rescue!

  4. Shannon, with your cape and pony I'm sure you'll strike fear into the heart of even the craziest of protesters.