Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Training Requirements for Pirates and Ninjas

One question everyone seems to be asking these days is "should I become a ninja, or should I become a pirate?" The first thing you should ask yourself before deciding, is which training regimen is right for you.

Ninja Training Requirements:

1) Buy a de-fanged rattlesnake for practice. Spend at least ten hours a week letting it lunge at you until you learn to dodge the attacks.

2) Practice walking around with slick oil at the bottom of the soles of your shoes. Eventually you'll get used to the sliding, and your walking will be as gingerly as that of the wind and ghosts.

3) Learn to shut the hell up.

4) Order all your drinks "neat". If ice is clinking in your glass you will give away your position.

5) No more stairs. You will from now on get to the second floor by crawling up a rope. Want to make it interesting? Set the bottom of the rope on fire.

6) Don't ask your mom permission before installing the burning rope in the foyer. Moms just don't understand ninjas.

Pirate Training Requirements:

1) Drink plenty of rum. Aaargh!

2) Don't ask for anything where punching will get the point across twice as fast.

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