City Nicknames

A lot of people wonder how certain cities get their nicknames. New York is famously known as "the Big Apple", because of its legendary pie-bakeoffs, and Chicago is known as "the Windy City" because it was named after a woman named Wendy who was notorious for misspelling her name. It's sort of sad when a city has no cool nickname of its own, because a nickname can really put it on the cultural map. I've suggested a few names based on cities I'm familiar with:

1) Washington, D.C.--the Big Swampy. You don't venture into the Big Swampy during July without a sweat-rag, y'hear???

2) Portland, ME--the Big Frosty. The best wintertime souvenir a Mainer can give you is a case of the shivers, courtesy of the Big Frosty!

3) Sarasota, FL--Retirement Alley. Self explanatory.

4) Baltimore--Crabtown, U.S.A. Not to be mistaken for Bangkok, which is a different sort of Crabtown.

5) Philadelphia--the City Where Directions Won't Help You. Update your maps, people!

6) Syracuse, NY--Pity City. You pity those who live here, and they pity you for having to visit.

7) Boston, MA--Meathead Alley. How a city that boasts some top notch colleges and an economy that attracts such high intelligence can be also a haven for low functioning townies is truly a testament to the duality of man.

8) Los Angeles--New Jersey With Palm Trees.

Any city chamber of commerce that uses those terms will owe me big money.