Happy Thoughts

Whatever your political leanings, you can appreciate some of the silver linings about yesterday's election results:

1) After two years of my liberal friends being insufferably smug and my conservative friends being completely insane, it'll be nice to see my conservative friends become insufferably smug and my liberal friends become completely insane.

2) The color barrier will be broken with our first ever orange-colored Speaker of the House, John Boehner. If he and Snooki had a child it would be an Oompa Loompa.

3) Since the Democrats were able to successfully smear the GOP for trying to touch Social Security in 2006, and the GOP was able to successfully smear the Democrats for trying to touch Medicare in 2010, I can look forward to growing old with both programs completely untouched. Of course, those programs will swamp the federal budget and the economy and we'll have to sell our children to China to pay off our debts, but at least I can retire in unearned luxury.

4) Democrats and Republicans can fight back and forth over which group of gerrymandered incompetents gets to run this country into the ground, but at least we D.C. residents don't have to worry about that because we don't get a vote. Fun fact--eleven states actually seceded from the country and took up arms against the U.S. Army from 1861-65, and all of those states had full autonomy and representation in Congress within a decade after that. D.C., which never seceded from anything, still gets nothing. Sounds pretty fair!

5) California had to decide whether to elect as governor a woman who thinks the job is worth over $150 million of her own money, or a washed up moonbeam who drove the state into a ditch back in the '70s when he was governor. And at the same time, they decided not to legalize pot. For that, I take back all the jokes I made about Florida.

6) 99% of New York voters have decided that their Rent is NOT Too Damn High. Sounds good!