Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Economic Dolldrums

Newly minted presidential candidate Rick Perry has come out as suggesting that additional "quantitative easing" by the Federal Reserve would constitute "treason" against this country. If the reporters interviewing him were worth their weight in salt they'd have asked the obvious follow-up question, which is "would you consider that as treasonous as a state seceding from the country?" but I suppose it's politically incorrect to suggest such a thing. (Though I suppose it's the fault of the winning side of the Civil War, for not having passed a constitutional amendment explicitly saying "Ok, seriously--no more seceding.")

But is Perry right in his criticism of the Fed? I'd have to agree--among the many problems our economy has right now, devaluing the dollar further isn't going to help that. The sad fact is there is no easy fix to our economic problems, because over the past several years they've tried all the easy fixes. However, there are still some unorthodox possibilities:

1) Annex Mexico. In one fell swoop, no more worries about "jobs going to Mexico" since the jobs would be staying in country. Sure, some folks in our original states might resent Mexican migrant workers, sort of how Californians once resented "Okies", and we may have to suffer through a few more John Steinbeck novels as a result, but also consider this--the border between Mexico and Guatemala is a hell of a lot shorter and easier to guard than the current border between Mexico and the U.S. The new state could be called "South New Mexico."

2) Completely legalize everything. Just imagine all the repressed Europeans coming here so they can smoke crack while riding a chariot pulled by hookers and shoot an AK-47 into the air on the way to their gay polygamous wedding in an abortion clinic, which features gambling. Tourist dollars could erase our trade deficit. Bonus--it might make Michele Bachmann's head explode (except for the AK-47 part).

3) Expel Michigan from the country. Look, they had a good run, but they're now embarrassing us. And when other states see how easy this can be done, they'll get in line fast (I'm looking at you, South New Mexico).

4) Build a canal connecting the Mississippi to the Pacific. I think canals are due for a comeback.

5) Tell everyone in the country to split up and join other countries for a while, make their fortunes, and return in about twenty years. Anyone who fails can try France instead.

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