Monday, April 23, 2012

A New Name for the Secret Service

This latest Secret Service scandal--something about using Colombian prostitutes and stealing taxpayer money in Vegas while beating Sarkozy in a runoff election, I don't know I was just skimming the paper--has me wondering.  Wondering, why do we keep calling the Secret Service the "Secret" service?

Face it--they're fairly conspicuous with their dark suits, earpieces, and sunglasses, and of course when protecting dignitaries and examining whether currency has been forged there's really no need to be undercover.  The James Bond film "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" sort of has it right--secret servicefolk are supposed to be the spies and spooks that go sneaking around foreign countries, ordering whatever the native drinks are before unfolding evil plots involving lasers and eccentric henchmen.  (The fact that James Bond never wears a disguise, drinks his signature cocktail wherever he goes, gambles big and in the open, and introduces himself as "James Bond" to everyone he meets, is another discussion)

So why not change the name of the country's premier bodyguard service to something like the following:

1) The Order of the Shark.  Hey, I wouldn't try threatening the President if I had to deal with the Order of the Shark!

2) The Executive Guards.  Somehow, "Guards" just sounds formidable.  "We're guards!" they could say to one another while patrolling the White House lawns and picking up stray frisbees.

3) The Supreme Knights.  Admittedly, this sounds a bit Motown, as if there were a merger between Diana Ross and the Supremes and Gladys Knight and the Pips.

4) Swords of Vengeance.  Okay, now we're getting a bit off track here.

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