Brando Syndrome

Portland is now caked in a sheet of ice, making the trees quite beautiful and the sidewalks quite hazardous. Unfortunately it also means power failures for many, which is more than just a nuisance--it's dangerous when this means no heat or hot water. Ice storms are God's way of reminding us that He hates us and wants us all dead.

My sore throat is a mysterious thing now. During the day it hurts almost not at all, but at night it becomes seriously painful and stays that way until morning. Only extra strength Tylenol makes it tolerable. What sort of throat ailment only happens at certain hours of the day?

At this point, I have no faith in my immune system. I've been working on this thing (with tea, vitamins, oranges, etc.) for weeks now and the throat is the same as it was on day one. If I knew any medical researchers I'd suggest they do a case study on me. I could be carrying some mysterious new ailment. In fact, I think I am! I shall call it: "Brando Syndrome". Set up the next Jerry Lewis Telethon, folks! Help fight Brando Syndrome today.