Thursday, December 11, 2008

Snow Doubt About It

It's cold and drizzly out, but right now I'm just glad it isn't snow. I remember when as a kid it was great to see it snow, that meant playing outside and making snowmen and throwing snowballs and coming inside for cocoa, and better yet, if it snowed enough on a school day you could get a day off. But the novelty wore off around the time I was old enough to have to shovel the driveway, or drive in the muck (which also meant cleaning off and digging out a car which was not garaged). The novelty wore off still when I got to the age where even a snow day wasn't so great, because it just meant you had to make up the work when you did make it in. And the white beauty of the first snow usually turned to dirty, slushy muck quickly, and just looked nasty.

As an adult, I see nothing good about the snow--it means hazards on the roads, slippage on the sidewalk, and having to dress practical rather than nice. There has yet to be designed a good shoe for the snow and ice and salt that actually doesn't look like shit. And unless your head is shaved down to a crew cut or less, a winter hat means forget having your hair look nice.

Some people try to defend the snow. Let me demolish these arguments in turn.

Point: But Brando, I like to ski and snowboard!
Counterpoint: They invented artificial snow for the slopes, and besides why should everyone suffer risk of injury and stranding in inhabited areas simply so a tiny part of the population--upper middle class white people--can enjoy a hobby in the mountains? Besides, you can have your snow up there. I just don't want it down here at sea level.

Point: But Brando, isn't the snow pretty when it falls?
Counterpoint: It is, and if the snow simply melted upon contact with the earth, I'd have no problem with it. But a brief moment of enjoying it while it's falling quickly becomes weeks or even months of the crap on the ground.

Point: I don't care, I look good in sweaters!
Counterpoint: Only fat people look better in sweaters than they do in anything else. Try laying off the Twinkies. If you're not fat and you look good in a sweater, you'd look even better in a normal shirt.

Point: Ooh, but I love a winter wonderland!
Counterpoint: Fuck you.

Point: Snow is just something that we all have to deal with, if we live north of the Carolinas. Why not just cope with it and make the most of it?
Counterpoint: I do make the most of it--it's important not to let the snow keep you from going out and about, or finding enjoyable indoor activities. But that doesn't mean I have to like the snow itself.

Here's hoping for a mild winter for a change!

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