Wednesday, April 13, 2011

What I've Learned From Various Movies

1) From "Road House" I've learned that no one ever wins a fight. Or at least that's what you say to get some lady to sleep with you, because in fact the person who wins the fight is the person who doesn't have their throat ripped out.

2) From "Goldfinger" I've learned that if your enemy is planning to have your ass sawn in half with a laser, it's better to have him present so you can trick him into thinking you know something valuable. Otherwise, his Korean henchmen might not speak English and just go ahead with the lasering.

3) From "Star Wars" I've learned that if the only woman in the universe is related to you, you'd better develop an attraction to Wookies.

4) From "The Godfather" I've learned that if you're an all-powerful mob boss, send someone else out to pick up your goddam oranges.

5) From "Smokey and the Bandit" I've learned that the South has a lot of highways and absolutely no traffic jams. The D.C. area version of that film would have required Bandit and Snowman to drive from Landover to Fairfax and back during rush hour traffic in just three hours. Never happen, Bandit!

6) From "Jaws" I've learned that you're better off sticking with a swimming pool.

7) From "Black Hawk Down" I've learned that had we stayed in Somalia an extra month they would have run out of Somalians.

8) From "300" I've learned that if a hunchback tells you that there's a way around your strong position where the enemy can sneak behind you, you should try to secure that route, or at the very least don't shun the hunchback so he goes and tells your enemy about it. Was Leonidas a total moron???

9) From the "Sixth Sense" I've learned that it's possible to live several months without anyone acknowledging your existence except a ten year old boy and you'll not even notice anything's wrong.

10) From "Full Metal Jacket" I've learned that if the fat guy wants a doughnut, let him have the damned doughnut.

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