Thursday, May 24, 2012

Damn Snakes

There are times in my day when I'm sitting on my apartment balcony and saying to myself "it's just great to not have a 15 foot snake slithering out of a tree and landing on my unsuspecting head right now."  In fact, D.C. is one of the most snakeless parts of the country (in the literal sense, of course, we still have Congress).  I can take comfort in the fact that I know my neighborhood does not have a very large reptile slithering around in it, waiting for a moment to cause mayhem.  Unfortunately, this guy has no such omfort. 

The man is in his yard in Columbia, South Carolina, enjoying the late spring in the Palmetto State and probably thinking "what a great day to not have to see a giant snake" and then he forgot to knock on wood because there lay a beast long enough to strangle a small car.  He snaps photos and calls the authorities at the Department of Natural Resources, figuring they'll come by and remove the menace, only to be told that from the photos this was clearly a "rat snake" and not a python, meaning it would be a good thing for the neighborhood (in that it eats rats, not South Carolinians).  This is why when you want to remove a dangerous animal, you don't call some hippie state authority--you call Skeeter and his buddy Clete!  They'll take care of it for twenty bucks and a six pack of Busch.

I sympathize with this homeowner--who wants such a giant snake crawling around in his backyard where he doesn't know when it will show up next and demand a place to stay?  But especially silly is his refusal to fork over $150 to have a professional (like maybe Skeeter!) come remove it.  It's sort of like saying "I'm afraid for my kids getting eaten, but not $150 afraid!"

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