Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Another McAssault

I suppose the reason stories about douchebag customers abusing fast food employees always spark my interest is due to my sympathy for fast food workers--having worked that job myself, I can say it is about the very bottom of the employment chain in most of America.  It's not as dangerous as coal mining or truck driving, but it pays less and garners far less respect.  Try imagining this line--"local jerk starts trouble with trucker" and then try picturing the article ending with something other than the local jerk being turned into a human pretzel.  See?  Truck drivers have it made compared to Big Mac vendors.

So it is in that vein that I read this unfortunate article about some fucktard in Knoxville that got into a fight with an assistant manager at a McDonalds over a $1 sundae.  James Wilson, the mouth-breather of a customer, orders lunch--okay, so far so good.  Onward with the wheels of commerce, Mr. Wilson!  But hark, what is this?  His sundae had the chocolate at the bottom, and not at the top!  Everyone knows that screws up the sundae!  As he stated to the jury, "The hot fudge should be on top.  It freezes up when you get fudge on the bottom of it."  Truer words have never been spoken, you fine gourmand.

Clearly now the dessert is ruined, and worse, Wilson is out a cool dollar.  He'll never be able to execute that leveraged buyout of Hewlitt Packard now!  So he complained to the assistant manager, and an argument ensued.  Okay, petty, but unremarkable.  The McManager gives Wilson back his dollar. 

Now, Wilson headed to the exit, and the manager headed towards a side door facing the exit, ostensibly to make sure the irate customer actually left.  According to Wilson, though, the manager "charged" him and called him a racial slur, so he had no choice but hit him in the face.  The jury didn't buy Wilson's self-defense argument, considering he's twice the size of the manager.  I should note that the assault here was a misdemeanor, but Wilson, the defendant, apparently moved to get this a jury trial in criminal court.

Ice cream sundae--$1, fully refunded.  Striking a low-wage McPeon--a $1,050 fine.  Looking like an idiot in court--priceless.

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