Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Pick-up Artist Completely Runs Out of Ideas

I wouldn't call myself an expert pickup artist when it comes to the ladies, but despite my lack of mad "skillz" I can take comfort in the fact that during my single years I have never once (a) had a drink thrown on me (and asking the lady to pour beer on me because it's hot out doesn't count); (b) forcibly grabbed the target of my affections; or (c) had to settle for urinating on the woman's leg after being rejected.  Which is more than I can say for this guy. 

The thought process here is staggering--Timothy here spots a comely lass of potential possibility, he turns on the charm, he approaches her.  He boldly puts his arm around her--a bit aggressive, but for some guys this works.  Here, though, it doesn't--the woman turns around and says "um, really?" (which beats a knee to the groin any day) and that deflates his ego enough that he takes his arm off of her.  Ah, rejection. 

What to do, what to do?  Some guys swallow their pride and move on, hitting on the girl next to her; some guys pathetically keep trying with follow-up lines.  But Timothy here, he's not your average guy.  Nope, he decides to whip it out and pee on this woman's leg.  It's as though he considered every possible thing that he could do after this woman declined his advances, and all he could come up with was using her as a urinal.

I can picture the conversation at the jail house afterwards:

"I'm in for armed robbery.  What are you in for?"

"Some chick didn't like me putting my arm around her at a bar so I peed on her leg.  I'm satisfied I made the right decision."

"Okay, don't take this the wrong way but I'm taking the top bunk."

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