Thursday, October 1, 2009

No Tax on Beer, Fools!

I'm a simple man--hand be a box of paper clips and I'll amuse myself for hours until I accidentally poked myself in the eye. I don't ask for much from my government, render unto Caesar and all that--because frankly I expect so little from the sort of people--legislators--who think there's nothing fishy or stupid about spending $10 million to get a $150,000 a year job for two years. Our leaders are idiots, to be sure, but so long as they let me have my little amusements I'll leave them to their follies.

One of my little amusements is beer--that fine, age-old brew that can provide ease after a long hard day, can enhance conversation, and can repair bad relations (remember when the President invited the black professor and the white cop who arrested him over for beers?). And now some short-sighted individuals are suggesting that our collection of 535 mouth-breathers who legislate at our Capitol impose a new tax on beer to help pay for health care. Might I just say that this idea ranks somewhere between "let's give Hitler that bit of land, he'll leave us all alone after that" and "let's execute this Christ fellow, so once and for all we don't have to hear any more from his followers".

I know the government wants to find a way to pay for health care reform, and apparently there's just no money around after propping up governments in Iraq and Afghanistan, or building highways to uninhabited Alaskan islands, or paying farmers not to grow corn, and paying artists to cover a statute of the Virgin Mary in urine. But you know what? Tax something that sucks, like broccoli or tofu. At least beer will help me get over the news that my health insurance claim was denied.


  1. They should tax people who have sex with trees. They're the ones driving up health care costs. Damn dendrophiliacs!

  2. Brett, I think you should run for Congress! Who couldnt' support an anti-dendrophiliac platform? Tree buggerers, that's who!