Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Dogs, What Can't They Do?

Last night's film was the 1976 masterpiece "Dogs", starring a bunch of unknowns and it advanced the premise "what you can't see can still kill you." Namely, because the cinematography was such that the scenes were often too dark so see anything happening! The sounds of growling and barking and screaming made it seem as though someone was being attached by dogs, or maybe the dogs were chasing squirrels and the screams were coming from people watching an actually scary film, like "Roller Boogie".

But it did get me thinking--what would we do in a situation where all the dogs in town banded together to attack humans?

Well, it sort of begins and ends with keeping your door closed. Note, I didn't even have to say "locked" because dogs don't have the opposable thumbs necessary to turn a door handle, so they'd be pretty much out of luck the minute you closed the door. That'd be about it--wait a few days and the dogs will get thirsty and lose interest, and maybe urinate on a fire hydrant or hump the leg of some poor sucker who didn't have a door. That's not even counting the contingency plan of air dropping thousands of milk bones onto the National Mall and then sealing off the perimeter with a three foot fence that'd essentially neutralize the dog problem.

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