Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Holiday Decorations

It seems that this time of year almost everyone's living room (or that bit of space near the window, if you're in an efficiency) has some sort of decoration up for the holidays, whether we're talking about a Christmas tree, a Hannukah menorah, a Festivus pole, or a Buddha-Day bag of sand. And this also means that political busybodies are busy (with their bodies) complaining that the trees are bad for the environment, the menorahs are just a sop to the wax candle industry, and the bag of sand is just retarded. There isn't much complaint about the atheists putting their traditional nothing up, but that's only because complaining about putting up nothing gets a bit too existentialist.

I don't put anything up myself, since I'm stockpiling my holiday spirit for when I have little monsters of my own. But you better believe when the time comes, the menorah will be plastic and electric and the Christmas tree will be a white tabletop model. And every year when Santa doesn't actually bring them anything? I'll tell them that maybe they should have been better kids! And when the neighbors find out about this I'll say "hey don't blame me, it's Santa that screwed them over" and let them think that I still believe in Santa so that they won't want to ruin my childlike beliefs.

I imagine they're going to put me in the worst old-age home available when it's all said and done.


  1. placed in the worst old age home? More like incarcerated! Charges: Crimes against Samta!

  2. Brooks--I still plan to eat the cookies they'll leave out for Santa!