Monday, May 2, 2011

Bin Laden's Corpse

I know our president is concerned about how gloating over the killing of Osama bin Laden would affect the Arab "street", but if I know my Arab street--and I think I do--it would have respected us more if we went a bit Iliad over the whole victory.

Our SEAL team that killed OBL probably had to kill him the way they did--gunshots to the head--because they just didn't have time to round up crocodiles and blowtorches to make the whole thing a more deserving spectacle. But once we had the body, why bury it at sea? Sure, that may be a Muslim custom, but since when did we consider OBL a good Muslim anyway?

First, the president should--nay, MUST--tie our enemy by the ankles and drag his corpse behind his war chariot (and yes, every president should have a war chariot) and race up and down the streets of Kabul. At first, the Afghanis would be all "hey, not cool!" but then it'd quickly change to "gotta respect that."

Second, decapitate the corpse, and put the head on a pike, stand on top of the nearest minaret (tip--this works best in a town that has minarets) and proclaim at the top of your lungs: "I am now your new god! Bow down before me!"

If Obama had done that, I predict he'd get the following responses:

1) Liberals would still vote for him, because really, they're just never going to vote GOP.

2) Tea Partiers would question why he didn't eat the corpse.

3) Sarah Palin would say something stupid.

4) Independents would vote for the president's re-election, because they'd be afraid of him. At least when Carter lost re-election he just went around smooching with Kim Jong Il and Hugo Chavez.

But I guess I'm strictly in the minority of Americans who wants to replace our leaders with Viking warlords. I'll be voting for Ragnar the Fierce in '12! For a better longboat building policy and increased access to our fjords.


  1. im kinda glad they did it this way... have you seen what a war chariot costs these days & the gas Oy Vey! xoxo

  2. Suicide Blond--this is true, I have read that LBJ's war chariots drove the cost of the Vietnam War up to unsustainable levels.

  3. This is funny. You might enjoy my post on the Iliad, the Old Testament, and Osama Bin Laden at: