Monday, June 1, 2009

Word of the Day

When coming up with my new favorite "insult word" which is "fucktard" (the reason for this is all the many extra years of my life taking the extra time to say "fucking retard" which is now condensed, freeing me to do great things like paint masterpieces and huck rocks into ponds), it occurred to me that some may take offense at the word "retard" when used as an insult. After all, there are actual retarded people out there who can't help themselves because of genetics, and they end up having to go to Arizona State and take jobs in Marketing (I kid!). But when we use certain "insult words" we only really use them when we know they don't actually literally ring true.

Case in point--someone bumps into your car because they're talking on the cell phone and drinking a smoothie while driving. You want to yell at them "retard!" But on the other hand, some actual, bona fide retarded guy walks his shopping cart into your car, you won't yell "retard!" at them once you realize that you're conveying an accurate description. Or, some guy at a party tries to tap the keg and it creates a geyser of beer foam all over everyone. You yell at him, "you're so freaking LAME!" Then when you see him hobble off on his crutches, you continue, "but I don't mean that LITERALLY!"

So yeah, "fucktard" is back. Figuratively.

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