Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Last Friday, a few of us got together for a Guy's Night (yes, I know one of the first rules of Guy's Night is to not speak of Guy's Night but as we know rules were made to be broken). A couple of the guys there were single so of course that meant the rest of us were more than willing to dole out advice on how to pick up women because of course who knows better than the guys who don't pick up women anymore? It's sort of like asking a Quaker how to kick someone's ass or asking a Muslim what to do with the crate of beer-soaked bacon that someone left at your house. Your house in Tel Aviv, that is.

Of course, most of my own advice had to do with "dropping that sensitive guy crap" and "never, ever wear knee socks" and especially "never ever listen to the advice of your female friends". I have had a number of female friends for a number of years, and never once heard any bit of advice regarding women that wasn't completely the opposite of correct, with the exception of something my friend Jen said once and I'm pretty sure she said it by accident. And that got me thinking.

Why is it that women will tell you stuff that if you actually did it you'd find yourself completely undate-able? Surely because these women are our friends, one would assume they have our best interests in mind! But then think of this--if we DID listen to their counterproductive advice (ranging from "share your feelings" and "be yourself" to "pink is a good color for you" and "there's nothing wrong with being a vegan even if you're a guy")--if we DID take it to heart, we'd end up growing old alone and have to move in with these female friends' families and living in the small apartment above their garages so we can babysit for their kids and help their husbands (who you better believe never shared their feelings, wore pink, or ate tofu!) fix the family sedan.

I'm on to you, ladies!


  1. For the record, I have never advised a man to eat tofu. For starters, excessive soy consumption has been shown to reduce sperm count.

  2. Shannon--will someone ever rise up against our soy overlords?