Heat Wave Tips

This heat wave has been lasting for weeks now, with very little end in sight. Fortunately we live in a world of modern conveniences, though to be sure in the olden days most of us probably would be splashing around in a pond and putting off any work or other business until it cooled off a bit. How people in the olden days--who wore a lot of heavy clothing and tricorner hats--decided to actually settle here is beyond me. If you had to go by pure comfort in those days, it would only make sense to settle no farther south than Maine.

When beating the heat down here in DC, there's only a few rules you need to learn:

1) AC--while it's merely optional during times when the humidity is low and heat stays below 80, it becomes a strict necessity when the mercury rises above 90. Fans and open windows won't do the trick here. Give in to modern technology.

2) Pools--get one, or get a friend with one. You dont' want to stay indoors all the time, and this way you can feel like you're doing something even if the something you're doing is just lazing about and splashing in the shallow end.

3) Booze--every time I have a beer during the winter, some nerd points out that alcohol lowers your body temperature. While I'm pummelling away at these people, I consider that if they're right then it stands to reason I should drink more in the summer. Stick with the lighter beers, and any drink with rum or vodak.

4) Dress down--forget anything fancy, you're going to have to look like crap during the heat wave. Shorts, loose shirts, sandals--yes it looks like crap but sweating like a pig looks even worse. Fortunately everyone else looks like crap too.

5) Forget anything truly athletic. The only exercise you should think about now is sticking your head out of your window while you're driving.