Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'd Like to Teach the World To Eat in Perfect Harmony

The other day, after reading my blood test results that indicated a level of cholesterol that made the nurse say "wow....just wow...", I decided to console myself on this bad news by taking a trip to McDonalds. While eating my delicious meal, I got to thinking, "this burger isn't bad, but I'm betting a burger at Wendys would be tastier". This is true--as far as East Coast chains go, Wendys makes the best burger. (In and Out Burger, which makes a truly excellent burger, is unfortunately confined to the West. And while Five Guys makes a great burger, I am only counting chains that have reached a critical mass of locations, and Five Guys just isn't there yet)

The problem is, places like Wendys (or Five Guys, for that matter) just don't have the fries of the quality of McDonalds. I would put McDonalds fries up against even the finest pomme frites at the finest French or Belgian restaurants, and if McDs was thoughtful enough to provide mayo or other fine dipping sauces instead of proletarian catsup, they'd have full "Fry Domination" (or "Frymination", a state of affairs I would love to see). Lets' face it, as far as fast food goes, McDs has the fry market.

And then for chicken, let's face it, McDs falls painfully short. The McNuggets only really hint at having a chicken-related background. Burger King is a bit better, as well as Wendys, but truly fine chicken has to go to the specialists--KFC, Popeyes, and Chick-Fi-La (the last having the best true chicken breast sandwich). Of course, those places fall short on fries and serve no burgers at all.

For milkshakes, the whole bunch will disappoint. For whatever reason that I hope I'll never know, McDs and Burger King serve shakes that sting my throat. And Wendys isn't so much a shake as a solid block of iced cream I'm trying to get down with a straw. Steak n' Shake has good shakes, but again, that's not so much a fast food place as a diner-like environment. But shakes should be easy to do--milk, iced cream, ice and blender! This can be remedied, people.

So what would I like to see created? How about a joint venture, that serves McDonalds fries, Chick-Fi-La chicken sandwiches, KFC chicken legs, Wendys (or Five Guys) burgers, and fresh milk shakes? If we could find a way to do that the world would be a better place. We'd still have wars though.


  1. I fucking wish there was a convenient Wendy's to me in DC.

  2. Chick-Fil-A should not be mentioned in the same web page as McDonalds. My lord it is delicious. All hail. McDonalds is useful only on Sunday mornings, for those sweet, sweet hangover-relieving hashbrowns (and Sausage McMuffins).

  3. Chick-Fil-A has awesome fries. You just can't handle the waffling!

  4. MSnay--I agree! I don't have a Wendys close to work so it's a hassle getting there for lunch.

    J--ack, fast food breakfasts! Ugh! McDs does a fine Big Mac, and the fries are perfect, but they could stand a top notch meaty burger with great fixings.

    Jenny--yeah, I'm more of a skinny fry man rather than those big tater wedges.