Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Why is it that in movies....

1) Everyone in the ancient world--who presumably spoke Greek, Latin, or Vikingish--seems to have British accents?

2) Just about every car crash or bullet to the gas tank causes a massive firestorm? If cars are really that explosive, should we even be allowed to drive them? With our CHILDREN???

3) During battle scenes, we never even once see even one soldier scream "eek!" and go running away from the battle like a little girl?

4) It seems like Virginians like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had British accents, yet less than a hundred years later Virginians like Robert E Lee and Stonewall Jackson had southern accents? The same southern accent that we hear today, a hundred and fifty years after Lee and Jackson's time?

5) Speaking of which, since "Jack" is another word for "John" then would someone with the last name "Jackson" be related to someone with the last name "Johnson"? And should we refer to going to the toilet as "going to the Jack"?

6) Also speaking of which, how come if Abe Lincoln was born and raised in rural Kentucky, he is never portrayed with a southern accent in films?

7) Why is it that Mexicans are portrayed speaking entirely in English, only to throw in a word or two in Spanish, such as "Welcome back, amigo" or "Gracias, my American friend, for all you have done"? Do Americans ever speak completely in Spanish, only to toss in a word or two of English? Like "Necessito un abogado tambien, my friend" or "Quiero una bierra, please".

8) Also, why when ordering a beer at a bar, do people in movies simply say "I'll have a beer" without specifying which brand? Have you ever tried in real life to ask a bartender for "a beer", rather than a "Bud" or "Guinness"?

9) And why is it that when ordering a beer in the movies, the customer never takes their change? Have they never had to break a twenty, or do they always leave very large tips?


  1. 3. Because we don't make films about the French in war. Except for The Patriot, and that movie sucked.

    7. Duh. Everyone speaks American.

    8. If I were a bartender, I would take that as license to serve them the beer of my choice. "Yes, we call this O'd de Toilete."

  2. Re: #5 - Depends on how long you're in there. If it's more than, oh, say 5 minutes, then you're going to the Jack.

    Re: #6 - When Abe was growning up in Kentucky, he was doing it "out West." Basically, Abe was the early 19th century version of a Californian. He was, like, "Slavery? That's totally gnarly dude. Forescore and ... seven minutes ago... we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure conceived by our new friends, Bill... and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!"

  3. MSnay--touche! And I'm thinking next time I go to a bar I'll just ask for a "beer" and see what happens.

    Foggy--I was unaware of this history!

  4. My question is, why are so many TV and movie characters named Claire? I basically never meet anyone named Claire in real life, but they're EVERYWHERE in TV and movies.

  5. Actually, I revise my statement -- what I would actually do, if I was the bartender, would either be:

    1. "WHAT kind of beer would you like, sir? Shockingly, we sell more than one type."

    OR ...

    2. "Hmmm. That new stuff the boss imported from Austria is $30 a glass. POUR!"

  6. Shannon--come to think of it, I've never met a "Claire" either! This is some sort of television conspiracy!

    MSnay--eek! I'd better specify next time I order at a bar.

  7. also .. it is some movie rule that anytime a person has a bag of groceries a french baguette MUST be sticking out ...

  8. Suicide Blond--excellent point! And when they're carrying their baguette-laden groceries to their door, they always seem to fumble a lot with the key.

  9. No one ever says good-bye after a phone conversation? They always just hang-up. Seems a little rude.

  10. Giggles--or when they first pick up and say "Yeah" or "Talk to me" or "Let's hear it"--I don't think I've ever heard anyone do that in real life.