1) That time you tried to conserve energy by talking super slow and pissing off your roommate as a result.
2) Driving that same roommate nuts by moving exactly one of his perfectly aligned textbooks out of place by one inch.
3) That time you convinced yourself that you could lose weight by eating a lot of gross fast food, under the theory that it would force you to exercise to make up for it.
4) That time you tried to improve your math skills by downgrading your English skills. It didn't go goodly.
5) That time you told your friend that we could barbecue in his apartment during a rainstorm by covering the vents and under the door, and keeping the grill up next to the window and disabling the smoke alarm. And your friend actually went along with it.
6) Being in that tricky halfway spot where you're wondering whether to hold the door for someone who is too far behind you to hold the door for without being weird, yet not so far behind you that it wouldn't feel rude to let the door slam.
7) Having a windshield leak in your car that created a puddle of water on the floor and froze in th winter and needed to be chipped away because otherwise the brake and gas pedals couldn't be pressed all the way.
8) Eating an entire baguette by yourself because there's no one to share it with and it seems a shame to throw away half a fresh baguette.
9) Laying awake in bed waiting for your houseguests to stir, or the hosts when you're the houseguest, and wondering if they're also waiting for you to stir before getting up, and wondering if this is going to last all day.
10) Wondering if the President and his family have arguments that end with "well, you're not the President of this kitchen!" or "well, you're the First Lady...of jerks!"
Envelopes – Essential Buyers Manuals
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