Thursday, August 12, 2010

Who Would Play You in the Movie About Your Life?

If you're like me, you often wonder if a movie were made about your life, who would be cast to play you. (And before you say "hey your life isn't that interesting!" let me point out that ever since Hollywood produced "Roller Boogie" it has been clear that "interesting" is not a requirement). Which actor they get to play your role depends on your personality type:

1) Mel Gibson. If Mel is playing you, that means you have a dead wife, a strong Messianic complex, and are given to random bouts of honor-based violence. Oh, and you hate Jews.

2) Nicholas Cage. If Nick is playing you, this means you're a homely everyman, but you can do unhinged like few others. Also, your life better be profitable, since Mr. Cage owes a great deal on his castles and will take any role that pays the bills.

3) Jeff Bridges. This means you're a laid back, rambling sort of man, likely with your head shoved in a toilet from time to time and being attacked by a marmot in the bath. You love bowling, but no one ever sees you do it.

4) Ashley Judd. If she's playing you, that means you've been a wronged woman. Your husband fake his death to frame you? Your boss try and kill you with a stapler? Ashley will be on that!

5) Matthew McConnaughy. If you spend 95% of your day with your shirt off, Matthew will be studying for your part.

6) Robin Williams. Robin is likely to play you in the movie if you can't go ten minutes without pretending to be a flamboyant homosexual, John Wayne, or an almost offensively stereotypical black man.

7) Gary Busey. If Gary Busey is playing you, look out! You'll die a violent death before the film is over.

8) Keanu Reeves. Do you have a problem showing emotions or acting like a normal human being in any believable way? If so, Keanu can totally nail that role!

9) Al Pacino. Picture you're having a normal conversation. Perhaps, a conversation about the upkeep of your pet goldfish. Do you suddently FEEL THE URGE TO HOLLER AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS??? Then Al can play you in the film!

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