Thursday, June 30, 2011


My hatred for spiders is well documented, though I can't be bothered to link to the police reports. Just take it from me--spiders are no good! And not in that "hey I'm all for letting spiders have jobs, I just wouldn't want my daughter marrying one" sort of way--nope! I don't even want the damn things anywhere near me. If you named a country that was 100% spider free and could prove it, I'd consider living there (but not Greenland because that's crap).

Would I feel differently if spiders were delicious, like crabs? Well I'm not about to find out, that's for damn sure. I'll leave spider eating to the Cambodians, they can make anything into a delicacy.

But truth be told, I really don't have an issue with very small non-venemous ones. To me, they're like flies, but not even as annoying because they don't fly all over the place. But huge or dangerous ones--screw that.

So today upon learning that my wife encountered a spider in our kitchen--the first encountered in DC since I moved back here in 2009, I'm happy to say, and this is amazing since we live in a swamp--I had to ask the obvious questions:

How big was the damn thing, in terms of body and legspan?

Her answer was "the size of my thumb" and to me that immediately made me think that when I get home I'm going to poison the hell out of the entire apartment in an attempt to make sure that some monster--with a body the size of a human thumb!--never lives again.

She clarified after my ALL CAPS SHRIEKING that the entire legspan was the WIDTH of her thumb, making the spider quite the little guy. Crisis averted!

No plans to visit any rain forests anytime soon.

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