Tuesday, June 28, 2011

No One Enjoys Your Special Snowflake Screaming in Restaurants

There are many times when I encounter people in public who would best be served by having a large bottle smashed upon their poorly-formed skulls. But sometimes, it seems that the wrong person gets the business end of the bottle treatment. And in a restaurant in England, this was just the case.

Picture a typical scene: two couples dining in an Indian restaurant, perhaps discussing their loss of empire (I imagine the British think about this a great deal) and the ample bottoms of some lass on Page 3. One couple decided that it was a good idea to bring their toddler to dine with them, after all no one appreciates a fine restaurant meal (and an ethnic meal known for its spicy flavors at that) better than a baby. I recall many fine meals at age 2, where the herb-encrusted chicken with fennel was to DIE for! Anyway, these moron-tards soon discovered that their baby was screaming and crying a lot, perhaps because the tyke realized that his parents were dumb enough to take him to a restaurant at 10 PM and that therefore he would be lucky to make it to age 14 without an arrest record of his very own.

Now, when faced with the fact that your baby is crying unstoppably in public, there are a few things you can do about it:

1) Take the baby outside to calm him down, hoping the crying will subside so you can go back in.
2) Take the baby to the bathroom to see if s/he needs changing.
3) Smash a bottle over the head of any patron who dares complain about your unique snowflake.

Well, since this made the newspaper you can guess that Genius McDouchetard decided to go with option 3, and is now sentenced to over 2 years in prison for his caveman-like assault. What's really unfortunate is that THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE BREEDING when in a just world they would have been sterilized shortly before being exiled to a remote island where they could mine copper or something.

Note to parents of small children--until they're old enough to not scream and cry in restaurants, spring for a baby sitter. If you're too cheap for that, learn to eat at home.

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